Race for the Cure 2008

My nursing school class has a team for this year's Race for the Cure on October 11th. I am pretty excited about that and hoping that there are a few people who sign up. I am trying my darned-est to get myself all ready to run the 5K. Honestly, I am pretty out of shape right now so it is hard work to force my booty down the running trail. Thankfully, a few of my classmates have taken on the challenge and are training with me. It really is so much easier when you are "accountable" to other people. We have just 33 days until we hit the pavement for this year's Race for the Cure. Also, if anyone else is up to the challenge and wants to join our team then let me know. This is really a great race and it will be loads of fun....after the 5K is behind us :).

A little freaked out

I have been looking at my schedule for the last few minutes with my mouth wide open...I'm getting a little overwhelmed/freaked out. In the next 3 weeks I have 8 clinical days. That's a lot. Considering that last semester, I had almost 30 pages of paperwork with each clinical, I am kinda sick to my stomach.

Breathe in, breathe out...close my eyes and think of a pretty place....breathe in, breathe out.

Ok...I can do this.

Happy Birthday Brandee!!

Adoption Forecast - September

Referrals for this month are being received at adoption agencies as we speak. This month's referrals covered from February 1-9, 2006 so it was a good number of days - although 5 of them were days when the CCAA was closed and did not log in any applications for adoption. Anyhow...our new referral estimate, according to chinaadoptionforecast.com is.... June 21, 2010 ! You can see here ---> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/08/adoption-forecast-august.html that last month it was listed as July 14, 2010 so we have sped up by almost a month. I think this is the first time that we have had a change in the positive direction...I have my fingers crossed for a trend here. So here are some stats:

• According to the aforementioned website, the CCAA is referring an average of 6 LIDs per calendar month.
• There are 125 days of LIDs ahead of ours (June 14, 2006).
• A ladybug landed on my car window today...see --->
  

Cross your fingers for some good luck. That's it for now...full speed ahead!

My own special code

Black toenails

means

Nicole has PMS.

Swashbuckling

Dad, in all his goofy splendor, came to Alabama armed...with foam swords. He even personalized them. So what would a week night be without a little sword swallowing and swashbuckling at the Massey house??

Afraid to fail

You know those little square cards that have the great quotes? I LOVE those...they are just cheesy enough for me. I saw this one yesterday and like it...it made me think which is always a good thing (at least I think so).

"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"

I think there are a lot of things I would do if the risk for failure wasn't out there...I would go all out on my diet again, run a marathon, go to medical school (if I could get in ever), have tons of kids... But really, how much does the threat of failure keep you from doing the things that you dream to do? I think it plays a factor for me and maybe it shouldn't. I wish I could give all of me to something and not always have in the back of my mind the thought that it might not work out. Hmmm...me thinky too much.

Gustav Update

Gustav is crossing into Cuba with 150 mph winds...almost a category 5 storm. I am watching it closely and keeping all the New Orleans folks in my thoughts as this storm is about 36 hours from impacting the coast. I am going to stalk James Spann's Weather Blog - http://www.alabamawx.com/ to stay in the know.

It won't impact our weather here in Birmingham but it is going to be devastating somewhere.

Gustav's Coming

The people in Lousiana can't catch a break with this hurricane stuff. It looks like Gustav is headed straight toward the Louisiana coast and it's supposed to hit Tuesday morning as a category 3 storm. I really, really hope that it doesn't hit right at New Orleans but the truth is that it is probably going to devastate some area so it's not good news for anyone along the Gulf Coast.

My hopes are that people along the coast are getting out NOW and that this won't be a repeat of Katrina. I will be watching it closely...hoping that it weakens and just gives folks a little wind and rain. I know it's not likely but it's the best possible scenario.

Ode to the Democratic National Convention

If you don't like to read about politics then skip this post please (or just read it to make yourself angry if you like). Also, I respect everyone's ability to form their own political opinion so I'm not trying to pull anyone over to "the other side". Just blogging my thoughts on my blog...

The Democratic National Convention has been on all the major stations during prime time this week...you know it's important if they pre-empt re-runs of "The New Adventures of Old Christine", right?? You should know by now that I am a Democrat...I do claim a party and I do generally vote along those lines...even though there is a stray conservative-ish candidate that I may support every now and then. Anyway...last night Jeff FORCED me to watch Hillary Clinton's speech at the convention and I was, surprisingly, politically rejuvenated again.

I really pride myself on voting...I feel that it is my constitutional right and obligation and, as Hillary pointed out last night, it was only 88 years ago that women were granted the right to vote so, by golly, I am gonna do it. Can you really believe that it was just 88 years ago that women were not allowed to take part in the decision making process in this country?? It kinda floors me when I think about it.

I remember when I was 17, not old enough to vote, and Bill Clinton was running against George Bush, Sr. for his second term. I thought if Clinton won then I would just defect...silly, huh? I have voted in every election since I was 18, even done it by absentee when I was in college. I have had jury duty because of it but, hey, I am the weird chic who actually enjoyed jury duty.

My point is that I am probably going to spend the next two evenings watching more political people get ramped up about the future and, if I don't have PMS too badly, I just might get ramped up with them. When Hillary spoke and was talking about each individual taking part in the future of this country for the good of their/our children and grandchildren, I actually thought, "Hey, I will have a child soon and I want this world and country to be one that she is proud to be a part of, one that creates opportunities for her, affords her the resources and pathways to truly live up to her "God-given potential"." I want that for me, for us, for my baby girl and for her babies...don't we all really want that? For that, I'll do my part.

Adoption Forecast - August

The referrals this past month covered 6 calendar days. This included some days when the CCAA was closed for the Chinese New Year so I'm not sure what is really up with that. Anyway...this brings our newest predicted referral date to.... July 14, 2010. Last month is was July 10, 2010 (see here --> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/07/adoption-forecast-july.html) so we only lost 4 days this month. I would call that a pretty decent month considering that it has been a trend for us to lose a month for each month of referrals, keeping our wait at 2 more years. Here's the stats:

• We have waited 26 months (and 11 days) since our documents were logged in in China.
• We have waited 34 months since making our decision to build our family through adoption.
• According to www.chinaadoptionforecast.com, the CCAA is referring an average of 5.6 LIDs (Log in Dates) per calendar month.
• There are 134 days of LIDs before China gets to us.
• In the time we have been officially waiting, China has referred Log In Dates from June 28, 2005 to January 31, 2006 (7 months of referrals in 26 calendar months).

The Olympics are OVER. They were great but let's move on and speed up the adoption process just a tad. Ok, China?

Saturday Night

Guess what we're doing tonight? I didn't know it but the Nascar race is on this evening...yippee yippee (that was sarcastic in case you couldn't tell). Jeff is too much of a fan and I'm sure he was actually happy to find out that the race is on tonight...he didn't see me roll my eyes when he saw it on the cable guide thingy.

I guess it's not ALL bad....he could be as gross and fan-atic as this man:

Or we could do this to our baby from China when she gets home:

Oh oh...I just heard on the TV that the crowd at the race tonight is actually going to try to break the world record for the biggest "wave"... the excitement never ceases. All we need is a Bud Light and a mullet ;).

First Week of Classes

The first week of my 3rd semester of nursing school is done. This semester the focus is on obstetrics (maternity nursing), psych, endocrine, sensory, reproductive, GI and oncology. Pretty much a mish mosh. It has been an interesting week...that much closer to graduation. I have some major clinicals this semester and am a little nervous because, the longer I am in school, the more I am expected to take on patient care without guidance. That's what has to be done to make me proficient but still...it makes me a little nervous.

On top of school this week, I haven't been feeling too great. I am hoping to get some good rest this weekend and kick the bugs that are circulating throughout my body. Just when I started to get into a running routine... I will NOT let this beat me. I WILL not let this beat me. Ok I have convinced myself :).

Today's Editorial: Diddy

I know my blog is a little schizo but it is MY blog, right? Anyway...today's topic is Diddy. I was flipping through the channels trying to find anything better to do than study when I came across the next "Making the Band" show on MTV. This is run by Diddy as was the last couple of seasons. Then there is also a show on VH1 called "I want to work for Diddy" or something like that. Enough is enough I say. My opinion is that he has a big head, parties too much and his earrings are entirely too "bling bling" for a boy. So there. Or maybe I'm just jealous that there isn't a show called "I want to work for Nicole." ;)

Choices

Every day we are faced with choices...what to eat, what to wear, what to do... Sometimes these choices can be a pain in the butt and we dread them. Jeff and I have this experience when we are deciding where we're gonna eat out at or what to watch on TV. We both try to make a decision that we think the other wants but we end up just frustrating each other. But anyway...I digress. Back to choices.

Some decisions that we make are minor...the pink shirt or the gray one? to drive the speed limit or 10 mph over? to take the long way home or the straight route? highlights or all over color? Some are a little more major...quit a job you hate or stick with it for the money? pursue a dream or hold off thinking you may change your mind? go all in with life or play it safe? accept your fate or fight until you win, even if the outcome is not exactly what you thought?

I guess the good thing about life is that we have these choices. Some we make and feel bad about and some we face head on with pride. I was thinking about my choices today and how they have led me to this moment. I am stressed. I am lost sometimes. I have days when I feel like I am drowning. But no one put me here...I did it on my own. No matter how stressed I am, I chose to quit my job and go to nursing school and I am so proud of that...it is something I really want to do and now I'm doing it...by choice. I have faced a pregnancy loss and the loss of the dream of having a biological child but I am not accepting that fate...I am going to be a mother through adoption...by choice. I get out of bed every day and face what is ahead...by choice. I am thankful that I am empowered by my choices...even the little ones. So tomorrow...it's the pink shirt.

No Olympic Athlete Here

I do love to run...especially when I am in shape and can just go and go. It's such an amazing stress reliever. Unfortunately, I am not in shape and can only manage to squeeze in 2 miles...at a really slow pace. Last semester took a real toll on my quest for fitness. I think I only worked out 2 times in 10 weeks. Thank goodness that's over and I can look forward.

I am going to be running in the Race for the Cure again this October. I haven't missed one in the last 4 years and won't miss this one. It's a 5K so I should be able to get myself ready for it between now and Oct. 13th, right? Then I'm supposed to do a 10K in November...a little more difficult but still do-able. So here goes...let the training begin.

Olympic Excitement

Have you been watching? You bet we have. The Olympics has been on our TV set every night for the past week and we will be glued to it again tonight as Phelps goes for Gold #8. I hope he does it...it's neat to see him freak out like he's doing in this picture. Of course, last night he only won by 0.01 seconds...it was so close that the Silver dude's team filed a protest. Talk about exciting.

I definitely have my favorite sports...gymnastics (have you seen the guns on those men while they hang on the rings??), diving and swimming of all varieties (I officially want to BE Dara Torres when I am 41...she is amazing) and today we watched trampoline...it looks too fun to be a sport.

I have to admit, though, when they pan the China country-side I wonder if my baby girl is out there in those hills waiting. I am loving the Olympics but can't wait for them to be over so that maybe, just maybe we can be that much closer to our own trip to China and our own dream come true.

Lovely Lunch Bunch

I had a lunch date with my buddies the other day and it was super fun. I tried to get a picture of all of us but there wasn't one in which we all had decent faces so we talked about cutting and pasting to make a good one...I have to work on that. My friend Amy and her little boy Eamon joined me and my friend Nicole (Nicole squared - hee hee).

I really enjoyed getting together with them and had a blast playing with little Eamon. He is such a super happy baby and he makes me smile :). Amy is such a great mom - she even makes homemade baby food...I'm impressed and may need lessons from her one day.

Jeff's New Project

Since I spent most of the summer studying, Jeff decided to get himself a hobby. He had this motorbike when he was a young lad and has decided to try to refurbish it. I'm not sure exactly what he will do with it when he's done but I hope it doesn't involve driving it back and forth to work.
It's a 1975 Honda CB100 and he has already started taking it apart. He is sure that it will start again and I have to be his cheerleader as he tackles this project. Go Jeff GO!

8 things on 8-8-08

Today is 8-8-08, a very lucky day in China. People have planned weddings, parties and special events on this day just to take advantage of the luckiness that surrounds the number 8. To commemorate this day, I am going to share 8 things with you ;).

1. You already know that 8 is a very lucky number in China so this day signifies one of the luckiest days of this century.

2. The opening ceremonies of the Olympic Games in Beijing are today, strategically planned for 8-8-08. I am planning to watch as much of the olympics as I can stomach. Every time they show the scenery in China, I think about my baby girl and how she is out there somewhere.

3. I celebrated this lucky day by ridding myself of the mousy hair and getting a new and colorful do. Check it out (ignore the make up free face).

4. In case you didn't get enough of it, here is another shot of my eating solo at the Firehouse Subs...taking a picture of myself with my phone like the true weirdo that I am.

5. Jeff and I celebrated this day together by having our fingerprints taken AGAIN this morning for our adoption stuff. This was our third time doing this for the US Government...and we will be back again to do the same in 15 months. The same folks still work there and are getting to know us pretty well.
6. Yesterday, I exercised for the first time in quite a while. It hurt. Needless to say, I am not exercising today...but I will be back at it tomorrow to try to shrink my booty which has grown significantly in this summer semester.
7. Can you tell I am running out of things to say? Number 7 - I goo-goo'ed the car yesterday. It was so sparkly clean inside and out until the sky clouded up and it poured icky rain about 30 minutes post Goo Goo.
8. Hmmm....I think I have run out of things to say. I will have to get back to you on Number 8....

Follow Up to a Tragedy

A few months ago I posted about Steven Curtis Chapman and the loss of his daughter, Maria. See here ---> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/05/tragedy-for-adoption-community.html. The family was on Good Morning America today and their strength and faith just amazes me. Get out the tissues.

Two Semesters Down, Three to Go

I'm DONE!! The worst semester of school ever is now behind me. I have to say this semester has royally sucked. The content has been difficult, the clinicals were challenging and the time limits of the summer semester absolutely made it the most difficult 10 weeks of my academic (and sometimes personal) life. I truly spent almost every waking hour studying. It did pay off and I am walking away with two aces.

I know it has been hard to live with me these past couple of months so thanks, Jeff, for putting up with me. Thanks to everyone else too for being so patient with me. I promise next semester I will be a better person.

Until then, my one goal in life is to lay in bed all day and watch "Forensic Files". Smiles.

Chips and Salsa

We had a party tonight at El Cazador...me, Dad, and the moving crew (hey Bran!). You can never have too many chips and salsa, right? I really enjoyed dinner after a not-so-great day. Dad is leaving to head to Virginia early in the morning and I hate that we didn't get to do more fun stuff before he left :(. I know he will come back soon and then we will party up with another rock concert or wild card game with his good friend, Jack. Be careful Dad and I'll miss you!!

Starbucks Review: Vivanno

Starbucks here is giving away free Vivanno drinks to people who present a gym membership card on Tuesdays from now until August 12th. Jeff and I thought we would give them a try. They are supposed to be Starbuck's approach to the smoothie and they come in 2 flavors: Banana Chocolate and Orange Mango Banana. They have protein and whey, a whole banana and are under 270 calories each...not soooo bad, eh? Well I was going to get the Banana Chocolate one but the lady at Starbucks convinced me to go for the orange one...so did Jeff. I took the first sip and had to skwunch my face up. It was so bitter that we are speculating that they must have left the orange rind on when they blended it up. So I took 2 sips and gave mine to Jeff. He'll eat or drink anything if it's free. (hee hee)

Verdict: Avoid the Orange Mango Banana Vivanno - it's icky. Next week I will try the Chocolate Banana one.

Dumps

Boo hoo...I'm down in the dumps today. The semester is winding down, finals are only days away and I am stressed out. On top of that, I am just plain sad. One of those sads where you can't really put your finger on why or what you can do to make it better. Oh well...maybe it's just PMS.

Mini Vacay

Jeff and I are enjoying a little respite in the land of slot machines and all-you-can-eat buffets. I took a break today to sit by the pool to study (which I can't go more than 2 hours without doing at least for a little while - finals are less than 2 weeks away). My hubby is somewhere in some casino feeding a machine or throwing some dice right now and I am studying...this is as quality as it gets for now, I suppose.

I took this picture with my phone...I look rough, don't I? If you look real close you see the remnant of the cyclops zit I have had all week. School has taken it's toll. I have a list of resolutions that I am making as soon as this semester concludes...I'll share that later. If you can cheer me on with any motivation during that time, I'd sincerely appreciate it thanks. Back to studying for me...

Who's WRONG?

Remember that "your pants are real, real, real, real tight" comment that Jeff made a few weeks ago? It prompted an agreement that Jeff would put $5 in a jar for every time he says something that is WRONG. One problem with that, though...being WRONG is a subjective thing and Jeff really doesn't think that the pants comment or any other comment is wrong so when do I get my 5 bucks? Of course I am supposed to give him 50 cents (gimme a break I don't have a job)every time I say something WRONG and I must owe him $50 by now. Anyway...so he is putting pity money in my jar because, once I have enough, I am going to have my hair done. So now I have $30 toward the hair-do fund...only about $100 left until I go in for more skunk streaks.

Another five card on it's way

Have you ever heard anyone call fingerprints a "five card"? I know I have heard it somewhere...maybe The First 48 or Forensic Files or some other morbid show that I watch. Anyway...our fingerprints for immigration are "EXPIRING" again and I just made this sorry realization. As some of you may know, our immigration approval is like gold in our adoption paperwork and it takes a ton of work and lots of time to get it from USCIS (and the Dept. of Homeland Security). It comes in 2 parts - the fingerprinting that Jeff and I have to do to assure that we are not criminals evading the law and the homestudy/application where we have to have every part of our lives scrutinized with a magnifying glass by someone who probably beat their kids in Wal-Mart the night before (that is really a joke). The fingerprint portion is only good for 15 months and the application portion is good for 18 months so now we are embarking upon our 3rd (as in 1-2-3) renewal of our fingerprints. The sad part is that this costs $160 every time and requires Jeff to take off work for a day and me to have to dance my way out of school or clinical.

Enough complaining. I discovered just this morning that our fingerprints expire TOMORROW so I had to scramble around looking for a few pieces of very important paperwork to copy, write a nice but frustrated letter and run to the post office to try to get out our request. Hopefully we will have this 3rd renewal behind us soon and maybe there will be just one more before we travel to China. Of course in a few months, it will be time to update that home study again so get out the magnifying glasses.

Line Toot

So I'm sick in the head but I think this commercial is absolutely hilarious.



Maybe it's cause I'm a B*ekey...hee hee.

25 Months and Counting...

Happy 25 month LID-versary to us! Here's to hoping it's not another 25...

Happy day to everyone!!

My husband is a D-E-M-O-C-R-A-T

I know the rule about not talking politics or religion but oh well. Jeff is a die-hard democrat. I have never heard someone so in love with Bill Clinton before in my life. Anyway...he loves all democrats (ok - most of them) and now he has a mission to visit all of their museums and presidential libraries. We went to Atlanta a few weeks ago and he had one request - to go to the Carter Center. I had been there while I was at Emory and remember that it was boring with a capital B but remember, marriage is a negotiation. So now he can check that one off of his list.

The scary part is that he is now talking about taking a trip to Little Rock to worship his hero. I will go...only if they have TCBY and a Starbucks. You know where my priorities lie ;).

I want a pug dog

Jeff won't let me have a dog. He's a meanie. I have thrown a lot of temper tantrums about it but it's as plain as that. Marriage is a compromise, right?? He doesn't really like dogs and said I could have one if it stayed outside. I don't think that's a good idea since I want one that will sit on my lap and let me complain and it won't talk back to me. Anyway...I probably won't get a dog until we have our baby girl and she looks at Jeff with her own sad eyes and says, "Daddy, please get me a puppy." Until then, I will have to give up the thought of a doggy. But when we get one, I think it will be a pug...in honor of my old puppy Harley (see picture). He was a snoring, snorting, snuggly baby who made me fall in love with pugs.

Adoption Forecast - July

Referrals for this month are out and they cover just 3 days worth of LIDs. No need to tell you that that makes me sad. Here is where we stand now:

• There are now 140 LID's ahead of ours (6-14-07)
• Our projected referral date (according to http://www.chinaadoptionforecast.com/) is now July 10, 2010.

Have you noticed that no matter where we have been in this process, it has always been "about 2 years" until we have our baby??? It was 2 years in Oct. of 2005 and it is still 2 years...the longest freakin' 2 years of my life!

Hunk O' Spunk

Mom and Dad's favorite TV show is coming to the US. "Kath and Kim" is an Australian show that aired in England (and on BBC America). I have watched it a few times and was strangely entertained by the frizzy haired Kath, her hunk o' spunk hubby Kel, her muffin top, self-absorbed daughter Kim and the quirky best friend Sharon. I really can't imagine how it is going to translate into an American show but I guess they are going to take a stab at it.

Molly Shannon will be Kath and Selma Blair will be Kim....go figure.
It starts this Fall so stay tuned....there is only a commitment for 6 shows so if it bombs, the torture won't be too long-lived.







Here's a sample of the original show:

I'm traumatized

I spend most of my days at school and I drink a BUNCH of water. You know what that means...lots of trips to the ladies room. In nursing school there is an abundance of women and, when our class has a 5 minute break, this means a rush on the bathrooms. We have 4 floors and 2 sets of restrooms on each floor so I usually climb the stairs to avoid the mad rush. Today I decided to trudge about 500 ft down the hall to the set of restrooms on the same floor as my classroom. I walked in and thought, "Hmm...there are only 3 stalls in here. That's strange cause there are at least 5 down the hall." I went ahead and did my business, washed my hands (side note - you know you should sing Happy Birthday twice while you are washing your hands to make sure you wash them well enough) and started out of the restroom when I saw this --->
I had GONE in the men's bathroom. EWWWWW! While I am thankful that no man walked in or peed while I was in there, I am still immensely grossed out. And I wonder why the school has the women's room on the right at one end of the hall and on the left at the other end. The architect was on crack rock. Or maybe he was a man who wanted a woman to walk in on him while he was peeing. Either way I was mortified and am still half-giggling and half-retching inside when I think about it.

Really, really, really, really, really, really tight

That is how Jeff described my pants the other day. I guess it means that it is really time for me to cut back on the tootsie rolls and frappucinos. Isn't my husband sweet?

Disclaimer: That is not my booty in that picture...it is just to visually support my blog topic for today. ;)

People's Inerds

Today I had my surgery clinical and it was awesome. I got to see people's insides...neato mosquito. I even got to see a Lap Band surgery (see pictures at left for a pictorial depiction). Every time I have a different set of clinicals, I change what area I want to have as my focus. I think I could see myself as an OR nurse. I am not grossed out by blood and guts and I think it is so mystifying how the surgeons can just throw people's organs all over the place and the person is "durable" enough to keep going. **Disclaimer: The surgeon today was great and did not throw any organs around.

Now I just have my Pediatrics clinicals to wrap up the semester as for as clinical experience goes. I really love the clinical setting...just hate all the paperwork that goes with it. Who likes paperwork anyway? Bring on the inerds.

Happy 9 Year + 2 Day Anniversary

June 22nd was the 9 year anniversary of Jeff and my first date. Nine years is a long, long time. It is well over 1/4th of my life...468 weeks, 3,285 days. We have had our share of mediocre days but I wouldn't change these past 9 years for anything. When I think about the next 9 years, I know that they will bring us even more laughter, smiles, joy and immeasurable happiness as we continue to share our lives with each other and as we welcome our baby girl (fingers crossed that it won't take the next 9 years for that to happen). We are not the same people now that we were 9 years ago...we have grown and changed from experiences (good and not-so-good) but, at heart, we are the same hopeful dreamers who just want to be happy. We know that, at the end of every day, our most precious joy lies in each other. Happy Anniversary Jeff!!

Who Do I Look Like?

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage - Family tree charts - Family search

Tequila!

Sorry for the pity party yesterday. It had to be done. I feel a little better today. It could be due to the pitcher of strawberry margaritas Jeff and I had with dinner tonight. Yum.

Is she real?

I am sad today. The stress of school on steroids and life has gotten to me and I am just sad. I am sitting here wishing I had my little girl to come home to so I could love her and listen to her giggle. I know it would take it all away. Don't get me wrong - I know being a parent isn't all roses and snapdragons. I know there are temper tantrums and potty training and time outs but I also know that just one, "I love you mommy" right now would make the worst day bearable. It's easier to point out the trials of parenthood when you don't have the choice of parenthood taken away from you.

I call this post, "Is she real?," because I am really wondering if she is...if this is...if I ever will have that joy in my life. Forgive me for not taking at face value every time someone tells me that it will happen when it's time or that this is just teaching me to appreciate parenthood more. I have heard it and smiled it away a million times already. I don't deserve this wait. I don't deserve to doubt that I will be a mommy. I don't deserve to have spent the last 7 years dreaming of holding my child and to ONLY have that to hold on to. I don't deserve to lose hope. I don't deserve to wonder if my child has been born and is out there crying and growing older in an orphanage somewhere and not knowing that a mommy-wannabe half-way around the world would give her own life for her. This hurts right now. I am in a funk, a bad one.

My new guilty pleasure

I have been hugely stressed out these past few weeks with school putting me in major overdrive. I even did a little research on what it would take to do the Vulcan mind meld with my instructors only to find out that it's feasible solution to my stress dilemma. One thing that gives me a little pleasure these days is my Starbuck's fix. I found a new summer drink that is A-W-E-S-O-M-E! The Caramel Light Frappucino rocks and it is only 4 WW points for a Venti. The only bad part is that it costs 5-freakin-dollars. Although I am broke, I have been treating myself a couple times a week. Don't tell Jeff cause he will probably cut my allowance. Tomorrow I have clinicals and there is a Starbuck's right in the hospital. I have to walk by it to get to my car...so how can I resist??

Two Years

Today is the 2 year anniversary of the day that China stamped our paperwork...our 2 year LID-versary. I don't have to repeat that I never thought we would be still waiting at this point but here we are...with potentially 2 MORE years to go. I won't write a long, drawn on post about my personal pity party today but know that I am having one in true Nicole style. I am going to drown myself in studying and clinical paperwork. Cheers!

Smattering

I have a smattering of things to blog about tonight...(the definition of smattering, in case you are wondering is --> "a small scattered amount or number")

1. Jeff is on his way back from Orlando with our car, semi-fixed. Supposedly there are some things wrong with it...the tire seems faulty or mis-aligned, the airbags aren't put back in right, yada yada. The car fixers are butts.

2. I had 2 big exams today. One could have gotten me kicked out of nursing school. It didn't.

3. I'm sleepy. I have been studying till about 10pm every night. That means from 8:30am to about 10pm with the occasional break to pee, drive home or stuff my face, I am learning to be nursey. It's exhausting. 8 more weeks of the summer semester...

4. Today is Mom's birthday. Happy Birthday Mom!! I love you!

5. So Obama has "cinched" the nomination. I will stop there. It's amazing when you don't watch TV or read the news on the internet how you fall so out of the world's loop.

6. I finally turned on the TV and the stinkin' Circus of the Stars is on...what's next?

That's all for now. Night night my peeps.

Hyperphosphacalcinatrikalemi - what??

Today I took one of the hardest tests I have EVER taken. Fluid and electrolytes and acid base balance. A great big, huge bummer of a test. So much chemistry...and I HATE chemistry. Jeff and I went to the beach this weekend for a cardiology conference and what did I do? I sat by the pool, on our patio and in the car reading about sodium, potassium, magnesium, chloride, phosphate and crap. The bad thing is that as soon as I took a break, I forgot everything that I had read...it was just too much. Anyway...this test is over and I can put it behind me until the final exam...which is only 8 weeks away. On to the next ones...pediatrics exam and nutrition exam on Wednesday. Did I mention that the summer semester sucks?

Adoption Forecast: June

Ok...I am going to preface this by saying that it SUCKS. Last month, the China Adoption Forecast changed their formula to make the referral estimates more accurate. This also means that they are a lot worse. This is where we were before the change happened: http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/04/adoption-forecast-april.html . Our estimate was September 3, 2009...bad enough considering that we started this process in October, 2005.

This month, our estimate is June 28, 2010. You read it right, 2010! This will mean more than a 4 year wait from our Log In Date (LID) and almost 5 years from when we first submitted our application to our agency. Add on to that 4-5 years of fertility treatment and you have one heck of a gestation. At this point, I just don't want it to get worse...better would be great but I can breathe as long as it doesn't get worse.

More facts:

• There are 143 LIDs in front of us, 10 were referred this month (still not official), 3 last month. The average for the last 6 months has been 6.3 days per month.
• March, 2006 is anticipated to a be HUGE month as far as dossiers submitted to China. Some people are saying it could take a whole year just to get through that month.
• People receiving referrals right now have waited about 29 months. Our 2 year LID-versary is next weekend but we still have about 2 years to wait.
• We lost 3 months during our paperwork process because the fingerprinters at the police dept. couldn't take my fingerprints right and they were rejected twice. We also lost 9 weeks waiting for Atlanta USCIS to process our immigration paperwork and a month for Alabama DHR to approve our home study. If we didn't have that additional time lost, we would be about to get our referral or would have already seen our daughter's face and be on the way to China.
• I am bitter, can you tell?
• There is not one dag-gom thing I can do about it.

I can't freakin' breathe!!

I am being a baby right now. I have a cold and can't breathe through either one of my nostrils. My face hurts, my head aches, my ears are clogged up and I just want to sleep but I can't...cause I can't breathe and sleep requires that you actually have some involuntary oxygen exchange going on. The only thing that saved me last night were my 3 pillows and a finger full of Vick's VapoRub applied liberally to my upper lip. I even had to wake up to re-apply it once it all got wiped off when I blew my nose for the billionth time. Woe is me.

Awaiting the return of the crunched up car

On Mother's Day Jeff and I were driving back from Orlando, got turned around and ended up crunching up our car. Actually, we were hit in the side by a Hummer (our fault). It was a traumatic experience for both Jeff and I but we miraculously made it out with just a sore neck for Jeff and a bruised up leg for me. We headed back to Orlando where we were able to spend more time with Grandma before Jeff flew back and I stayed.

It has now been over 3 weeks (and $9,000+ in repairs) since it went in the shop and we are still waiting on a part to come in. It's kind of a pain in the butt not knowing when your car will be ready when you are 650 miles from the shop. Maybe this weekend, maybe next week some time, yada yada. Call me a pooper but I don't like the idea of Jeff driving down to Orlando alone since he was the driver when we had this accident. I will just worry until I cause myself to have angina. Anyway...hopefully we will have our nice, comfy, paid-off, fixed up car back soon...one way or another.