Adoption Forecast: January

Referrals came out a little early this month. Since Chinese New Year falls around a referral period, we will most likely have 2 sets of referrals that will be at odd times and then we will have a LONG wait in between referral batches. So, even though we are still in December, technically this is considered the January batch. Referrals this time have gone through February 28, 2006, finishing out the month of February.

I haven't posted about this yet but I have known for a while that March, 2006 is a monster month. There are a LOT more adoptive parents logged in during the month of March than in any month in the recent past. This means that it will most likely take A LOT longer to get through March than it has the other recent months. There is speculation that it could take a full year or longer (the entire year of 2009) to finish out March, 2006. I hope and pray that this speculation is wrong but only time will tell.

Now on to our stats:

• According to http://www.chinaadoptionforecast.com/, there are now 106 days of LIDs before ours (June 14, 2006).
• There were 364 days of LIDs ahead of us on the day that we were logged in (6/14/06). That month 13 days of LIDs were referred. This month (a pretty typical one), there were 5 days referred. The average number of referral days per month now is 6.1 LIDs per month.
• Our estimated referral date is now July 9, 2010. You can see how this compares to last month here --> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/12/adoption-forecast-december.html . We have actually gotten about 8 days closer but I'm not sure if this might be because of the kooky timing of referrals or not.
• 106 days of LIDs ahead of us/average of 6.1 LIDs referred each month = 17.4 months of waiting.

I have removed five little pebbles from our WAIT JAR so that only 106 remain...does it look like the stash is getting any smaller?

Blogger Block

I know I haven't posted in a while...even Jeff noticed. I am suffering from a full-on blogger block. It's not that I don't have anything to post about. On the contrary, the last couple of weeks of break have been great and I plan to post about:

• The rest of my trip in Virginia (with lots of Skinny Dip, working out at the uber-YMCA and just all-around soaking up my parents)
• My return drive back along with a bang-up stop at Trader Joe's for yummy foods and Jeff's cleaning of the entire house while I was gone
• Fantastic Christmas with Jeff, Jason, Brandee and Leslie
• Jason's quirky and extremely neat experiment with Miracle Fruit and his establishment of Ba*key Now!Wow! with accompanying spirit fingers and appropriately timed sigh in it's introduction
• My awesome Wii Fit (thanks Dad and Mom!!) which I am currently addicted to and using every day although it is mean to me
• My upcoming 4th semester of nursing school (which begins on Jan. 8th)
• My completion of New Moon, the second book in the Twilight series, and my own personal review and perspective on the upcoming movie continuation
• My friend Lee and her husband, Vinay, welcoming their first little baby boy
• And more...

I am not absolutely sure why I have bloggy block when I have so much material to work with. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's just the anticipation of a new year and all that this one will hold. For sure, it has to do with a little bit of an aching heart facing another holiday season without my baby. It hurts my insides and kinda numbs me some times. We don't have a Christmas tree, no lights or Santa visits, no advent calendar with daily chocolate removal, no "Twas the night before Christmas" or Rudolph cartoons, no cookie baking or wish lists, no NORAD Santa stalking, no staying up all night on Christmas Eve or toys to put together, no school parties with the kids, no tinsel to stop up the vacuum cleaner.

Anyway...I am having a pity party again. And today it makes me want to not answer my phone, lock my door, stay in my pajamas and eat lots and lots of ice cream. It will pass and happy blogging will return cause I know I have so much and so many people to be thankful for...but for now I am giving myself a pass to be a bummer.

Trip to Virginia...Day 1

I am driving my folks nuts with the camera but I have to document as many moments as possible for those of you who can't be here to party on with us.

Road Trip!

Here is a pictorial masterpiece of my super long road trip yesterday. Click the little icon in the lower left corner of the screen for captions. Ha ha ha.

This and that bullet style

Here are some quick bloggy bullets:

• I am DONE with my 3rd semester of nursing school as of today. Final grades haven't been posted but I am optimistic that this was a good semester for moi. Only 2 left until I am a nurse!!
• I am leaving mucho early in the morning to drive 750+ miles to see my parents. I'm weary about the drive but very much looking forward to spending a few days with my folks. It helps that they are fun people. Dad - I'm trying my best to leave "PMS Nicole" at home :).
• Speaking of home, I am making this trip solo so Jeff will be home living the bachelor life. Honey - if you're reading this you best behave yourself while I'm gone. Brandee has agreed to check in on him periodically over the next few days so he will still have a Ba*key looking after him - but, unlike me, she will not be taping Judge Judy for him every day :).
• I am planning to stop on the way for a brief visit with my great friend Lyly who is about to pop with Lyly, Jr any minute now. Seriously, she is due Dec. 25th and is still working 10 hour overnight shifts, 8 days in a row, on her feet, busy time at the hospital, smarty pants doctor. I haven't seen her in over a year but every time we get together it's as if no time has passed. She's one of the most awesome people I know.
• I am reading the second book in the Twilight series, New Moon. While I was supposed to be studying last night, I was reading about Bella and Edward and was traumatized (stop here if you don't want a spoiler) when Edward disappeared like 80 pages into the book. I kept thinking that if I read a little bit more he would come back but...120 pages later, still no Edward. Bummer. Gimme back the hottie vampire please.
• In less than 2 months we will have to start the process of updating our home study and immigration paperwork for the adoption. This is a royal sucker. I will be sure to gripe about all that it entails as we get ready for the undertaking.

I think that's about all the bullets I can come up with right now. I will be sure to post some pics once I get to Virginia. Later ;).

Adoption Forecast: December

Referrals are out for this month and they covered the period from February 18-23, 2006, knocking out just 6 days of LIDs. So here are our stats, according to http://www.chinaadoptionforecast.com/:

• There are 111 days of LIDs before ours, June 14, 2006.


• The new estimated date of our referrals is July 17, 2010. Last month (see here ---> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/11/adoption-forecast-november.html ) it was July 18th so we have improved by 1 day - woohoo!


• It is estimated that the CCAA (China agency that governs adoptions) issues referrals for approximately 5.3 days of LIDs (log in dates) per calendar month right now... 111 days of LIDs/average of 5.3 days = 20.9 more months of waiting. This has worsened from last month.


• We have now waited 38 months (as of today) since our decision to adopt and 30 months (as of Sunday) since our LID. We have gestated 3 otters (avg gestation 270-300 days), 2.5 zebras (avg gestation 365 days) and 1.5 Asian elephants (avg gestation 645 days). I am sure our baby will be much cuter than the above mentioned animals...however cute they may be.

I will end this forecast post with the Serenity prayer which my grandmother loved and is most appropriate for our situation.

"God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I can not change,

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference."

Twilight

I admit it. I have indulged in a teeny bopper activity. I saw that the movie Twilight was coming out and vowed to read the book and then go see the flick. I finished the book in like 4 days (while I was studying ;)) and Jeff took me to see the movie yesterday. I have to say that the movie followed the book fairly closely but definitely did not develop the characters to near the extent of the book. It was overall a pretty good movie and book. I, like a million other 13 year old girls, think Edward Cullen is dreamy.

Tour of the beach gift shop

Our hotel at the beach had a pretty well stocked gift shop. We needed nail clippers and found them - check - but we also came across some other interesting things.... A "croc" key chain with the I heart Jeff Jibbitz

A parody on the "Life is Good" shirts...this one is for me...

This one for Brandee...inside joke...

And finally one for Dad because he absolutely loves when he calls some place and get the automated thingy telling him to press 1,2,3,4,5...

The Worst Thanksgiving Picture

This Thanksgiving Jeff and I were fortunate enough to spend the day with my parents, aunts and uncles, cousins and Grandpa in Orlando. There were several events/indulgences of this holiday...some awesome stuffing muffins by Mom, a tootsie roll binge, 2 trips to Einstein Bros. for bagels and coffee (yum-o), Tijuana Flats chips and salsa, my first deep fried turkey experience, lots of closed caption reading (on Grandpa's TV - that's his preferred method of TV watching), blowing up of air mattress X 2, political discussions instigated by Jeff (yes, he knows better), 11 hours of driving in traffic on the way home and, finally, some AWFUL pictures. I am giving this one the award for the absolute worst (partially because I don't want to post a picture of my big booty on my blog). Dad is in the middle of asking me why in the world I have to do a million self-pics and I am just plain being cheesy...and I now see that I have a major sleepy eye to go along with my pasty smile. In summary, it was a great Thanksgiving memorialized with some not-so-great but pretty funny pictures. Maybe I'll post some more of them later....NOT!

Bloggy Beach Break

Jeff and I are thinking about our baby girl...

At the beach!! I'll blog later...for now I'm gonna go kick my feet in the sand. Ta ta!

The Flat Iron Incident

No...it's not a movie. It's something that happened when I tried to beautify myself yesterday morning. Instead of grabbing a section of hair to de-frizz with my flat iron, I grabbed my earlobe. Can you say ouchy?? Here I am point to my ear...you can't see the boo-boo too well. Maybe you can see it better here....

Notice my Vanna-like way of pointing at my ear. Do you feel bad for me? I feel bad for myself...that's gonna leave a scar. ;)

I'm a domestic goddess

Hi. My name is Nicole. Welcome to my lair of domesticity.

I have had no school for 2 whole days now and I have been feeling extremely home-ly (in all senses of the word). I have managed to make these:

Buckeyes (just like my GG used to make)

And bunches and bunches of these:

Green Christmas Tree Cookies (made with my grandmother's recipe book and her cookie press)


From these:

Big bucks worth of baking paraphernalia



AND I made these:

4 super sized bags of leaves

And this:

A clearing in my yard (notice my chunky shadow)


From this:

A slew of leaves in my side yard

I also managed to clean out the refrigerator, organize my "school stuff" bookshelf, clean the living room, kitchen and bathrooms and DVR Judge Judy for Jeff (he loves that chick). Just call me Stewart...Martha Stewart. :)

Clunk clunk clunk

Is the noise my car makes when it is approaching a stop. That and creak creak creak. Jeepers people, it was just in the shop like a week ago and had some pretty expensive repairs that we had to pay out of pocket (that I still think were cause by the latest fender bender). Anyway...I am at the car place in their computer room right now. If you have to be at a car repair shop, it's nice to be at one that has the internet, right? I just hope that this most recent "clunk creak" is one that won't cost big bucks.

29 Months

It's been 29 months since our paperwork arrived in China. Happy 29th Month-A-Versary!!

Time to try to work again...maybe

I am at ANOTHER crossroads...to work or not to work?!? Nursing school has been overwhelming for the last almost year and it led me to this point where I am not working. You know what that means...no income. I have been so fortunate to be able to focus on school for these past months and not have to worry about juggling school, clinicals, work, etc. but I think now it's time to take another look at the situation.

Jeff has worked very hard to make it possible for me to not work. He has worked mostly 12+ hour days, 5 days a week plus call whenever he can get it. I do appreciate that so much. I try to tell him that but I don't think I really can put it into words.

Anyway...I am looking at a little lighter load coming up (fingers crossed) and have put applications out there at a few hospitals. Honestly, I don't WANT to work right now but I AM 32 years old...I don't have the excuse that I am young and in college. Plus this is the first time since I was 17 that I haven't had a job...and I feel pretty useless. So I guess I will see what happens. If it's meant to be then I will get a job that will work with my school schedule and give me enough flexibility to still be successful. My last stint with the work and school combo was a flop so I have a pretty good idea of what I need this time around to make it do-able.

Although I am flippant with this post, I have thought long and hard about this and really need some positive vibes this way just for things to work out as they are supposed to. If I am supposed to work, bring on the job. If not, give me some peace with the useless-ness feeling, why dontcha? Either way something's gonna give, right?

Adoption Forecast - November

This was a pitifully small month of referrals in China Adoption World...only 2 days of LIDs were referred children this month. Sooo...what does this mean for us?

• According to China Adoption Forecast, our new estimated date of referral is July 18, 2010. So this means we lost about 3 weeks this month. See last month's post here -- > http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/10/adoption-forecast-october.html.
• The CCAA is now averaging 5.9 LID days per month of referrals.
• This month's referrals covered February 16 & 17, 2006. See the two little marbles that I removed from our "waiting" collection below? One is for each of those days, never to return to the batch.
• There are still 117 days of LIDs to be referred before China gets to us. 117 LID days/average of 5.9 days per month = 19.8 more months of waiting for us (note that last month's stats said 19.5 more months of waiting so we are actually going backwards AGAIN).

Evil Car People

Some guy hit me while I was stopped at a red light last week. He was probably going 30-35 mph and just didn't stop like the rest of the cars did. It was minor cosmetic damage but my car started making this horrible grinding, whining noise when I was backing up and, well, when the car was moving at all. So I took it in to the shop and they have determined that it needs new brakes - front and rear, a new tire and that some rear bar thing is messed up...we are talking well over $1000 in repairs that they are saying don't have anything to do with the accident.

Let me say this...my car is a Honda...it is 2 years old...it has 55,000 miles on it. Why in the world should a car with these stats need such extensive, costly repairs?? And why would there be absolutely no grinding sound, man hits me go boom and - voila - grinding noise but it is not at all related to the aforementioned boom?!? I am currently livid. peeved. p.o.'ed. angry. fired up. outraged. and mostly...broke.

To top off the wonderful news that I got when I called the car place, the woman had the GALL to say, "I'll have the service rep call your husband." ARRRGGHHHH. I'm gonna go punch a hole in the wall now.

My November 4th

Jeff woke me up at 5:00am and said, "I think someone just sent you a text." I went down and got my phone and it was my sweet Mom texting Happy Anniversary to us. Of course it was my parents' anniversary today too so while Jeff and I celebrated 7 years today, they celebrated 35 - what a feat! I am pretty sure all 4 of us are celebrating this special day with microwaved food and election updates. No comparison to last year's trip to the beach for our big day --> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2007/11/at-beach.html . There's always next year for us to celebrate together again, right?
So shortly after waking up at 5, I threw my sweats on and Jeff and I happily went to stand in line to vote. We were at the polling site at 5:30am and there were about 30 people ahead of us. We stood around, chatting with each other and the folks around us until the doors opened at 7am. We were in, had our circles bubbled and were on our way by 7:10.

I'm glad we voted...and glad we did our part together on our anniversary. It was fun. And tonight we will continue to be consumed by the election as I watch my boyfriend, George Stephanopoulos, keep us updated on the future of our country. No matter the outcome, at least we've done our part. I'm satisfied with that.

I Volunteer

I am sitting here watching this show ----------->

and trying not to concurrently bawl my eyes out and gag with a fork. I understand addiction. I have a big one myself...it just so happens that mine involves chocolate, ice cream and tootsie rolls. If any of my lovely friends or family members would like to organize an "intervention" and tell me that my time for twinkies and ho-ho's is up and I need to go on an all expense paid trip to some tropical island to detox, now would be a great time.

The Yellow Ladybug

I was outside today with the insurance man (who was giving me an estimate on our latest car accident) when I looked down and saw the most unique creature in my driveway...a YELLOW ladybug. I put my hand on the ground and let it crawl on me and then I just played with it for a little while like I was a 7 year old....letting it crawl from one hand to the other. The insurance man walked up to me to hand me my estimate and gave me the strangest look. I just told him I was a big fan of ladybugs.

Apparently, there are lots of variations in ladybug colors which include the yellow variety. I found all kinds of neat ladybug facts here --> http://www.ladybuglady.com/LadybugsFAQ.htm . Of course that site does leave out the fact that tons of families adopting from China look toward the ladybug as a sign of good luck and just get downright giddy when one puts itself in our paths.

Jack-O-Lanterns

On Friday, Brandee and Leslie came over and we let our artistic juices flow with a pumpkin carving extravaganza. It was loads of fun...check out the slide show below:



or to go the album with the captions, click here:

Pumpkin Carving

Jeff has an OUCHEE

Jeff has an ouchee. He was working in the yard yesterday (chopping up leaves with the lawnmower ---> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2007/03/mowing-leaves.html ) when he stumbled in the house all bent over. He had a hitch in his getty-up....or he had strained his back for those of you who don't speak Alabama. So he has been on the couch with a heating pad all weekend. Yesterday he had to use his crutches to get to the bathroom (I was sweet and offered to get him a urinal :)). That means I had laundry duty, trash duty and errand running duty by myself all weekend...no fun. He is a little better now but he is pondering whether he will be able to go to work in he morning. If you know Jeff then you know that it takes a major illness or the house falling down to get him to miss work.

Rainy Day

It's rainy here today...and chilly. I haven't had such a great day but I'm not gonna gripe. It occurred to me that I have not yet posted that I am MORE than half-way done with nursing school. Last week was the half-way point of the semester and (since I am in semester 3 of 5) the half-way point of my entire RN program. The past 2 1/2 semesters have really gone by quickly and I am hoping the next 2 1/2 are just as quick. I am anxious to get finished and get to working again. I am actually pondering a job search to carry me through these last months of school but I haven't decided for sure on that one. I would like to focus on school but I really need to be contributing something for the benefit of my household.

These past two weeks I have been in Maternity clinicals which is an area of nursing that I like but I don't think is one I will be working in post-graduation. I have had mother/baby (post-partum), labor & delivery and lactation days. Of all of them, I think I am most suited for labor & delivery because it can be fast paced, involves some surgery (c-sections) and is a short-term patient assignment. I am still thinking that I am going to end up in a critical care area or oncology. I suppose I will know more with more experience. It will also depend how far I can take my schooling. Time will tell...as with all things.

Ammo Canal Palin

That would be my name if I were born to Sarah Palin...ha ha. Visit this site --> http://politsk.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah_13.html

to enter your name and see how it can be slaughtered to fit in the with the other Palin children (named Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow and Piper). Kinda funny. I put in Lily Faith and it told me that her '"Palin Name" would be Blitz Harden. I give her one for creativity...and good highlights...but baby naming, not so much.

My new crush

Mr. George-ey Stephanopoulos

Purveyor of all things political

That's what Jeff gets for making me watch so much news. Hee hee.

Windex or Alka Seltzer Plus

Remember in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" when the dad used Windex for EVERYTHING....to treat skin problems, infections, etc.?? I remember thinking how hokey that was but now, I have realized, Jeff has his own version of Windex...it's Alka Seltzer Plus.

I have a cold...a pretty dog-gone bad one. Of course, at the first sign of my symptoms, Jeff starts downing the fizzy stuff. Have you actually heard of prophylactic use of Alka Seltzer plus? And yesterday I took Day-quil to no avail...the stuffy nose and horrible aches were not even touched. Last night, Jeff told me that it's cause I didn't take my Alka Seltzer...I would probably be all better now if I had followed the "regimen".

So...if you have a belly ache, Alka Seltzer. If you feel tired, iron supplements and Alka Seltzer. If someone within 20 feet of you develops symptoms of illness, get on the Alka Seltzer as quickly as humanly possible. You might even want to carry a packet in your pocket or in your purse just in case. Of course if you get a wart, leave it to the Windex.

Shhhh....don't tell anyone

But when I was *supposed* to be spending the whole weekend working on clinical paperwork, Jeff and I actually took a quick jaunt to the casino in Mississippi. Really though, I stayed up late Thursday and Friday nights in anticipation of this possibility so I wasn't really too much of a slacker.
So off we went...but we were too spontaneous to get the "normal" room that we usually get at one of the posh gambling establishments. We had to settle for the Key West Inn, a 2 star (can you believe it - us in a 2 star?!?)...ha ha. Seriously the places we usually stay in are really nice. They invest in you so you will drop a buck in their casino. But of course, the old people beat us to the free rooms. You know I'm right because while we were there both Willie Nelson and Air Supply had concerts at the neighboring casinos. Rednecks and 80s mullets at their finest.
So our "top-rated" hotel had a funny little sign outside of the bathroom threatening to charge us for their linens if we packed them away in our suticases...hilarious, huh?
But they would have let us take the bug trap for free. Jeff, in his eternal optimism, said ,"We should feel good cause you know the exterminator came to our room." And I am all like, "Whatever...the fact that they needed to come to our room is a sign of bad things to come and an itchy night's sleep." I did kill 2 spiders in the bathroom too...
So the joy of the trip was that Jeff and I got to spend some time together, that we got to eat and eat and eat some more at the PAULA DEEN BUFFET (that's right butter galore!), and that Jeff got to push the little buttons on the slot machine until he just couldn't push them anymore. His picture is above - sideways - you have to use your imagination.

I got a flashback!

This is actually kinda scary. I have been in nursing school for almost 10 months and today was the first time that I actually drew blood from a real live person - not one of those plastic arms connected to some red colored water! Surprisingly, lots of nursing students go all the way through school without doing basic nurse-ey things like starting IVs, catheters, drawing blood, yada yada. I really want to have the chance to do these things while I'm in school but, truthfully, I am PETRIFIED to do them. So when I found out this morning that I was "the chosen one" to draw blood in clinicals I had my own episode of diaphoresis, tremors, pallor and just plain near-puking.

Although I was a bit panicked and feeling truly sorry for my poor patient/victim, I didn't do so badly. I had to have some serious prompting to find the vein ("Nicole - poke RIGHT THERE") but in went the little butterfly needle and out came the blood. Yippee!!

So now I have gotten this little chore out of the way. The first time is always the worst, right? Now I say bring on those stinkin' IV's, catheter insertion - no problem, NG tube Schmen-G tube. I say all this until the next time I am "on the spot" yet again. Then I might have to find myself a little corner to shrink into. Hee hee.

Day of Remembrance

Today is the National Day of Remembrance for Pregnancy and Infant Loss. I know my last couple of blog posts have been kinda bummer-ish but I promise this post will be followed by a happier one.

We don't need a special day, really, to remember our own pregnancy loss. I have blogged about it several times so if you are a reader of my blog then you know the pain that I still face about what happened on April 17th, 2003 and the weeks preceding. I am definitely not alone in this pain...there are so many women and families that have suffered similar sadness. Some have gone on to have beautiful families and some, like us, are still waiting for that dream to come true.

Today I remember my sweet baby that left my body and went to live in heaven. I hope that he or she is in the arms of my grandmothers and Jeff's mom.

Happy 28th Month-a-versary!

It's been 28 months since our paperwork was logged in by some special civil affairs representative in China. Happy Month-a-versary to us!!

3 Years Ago

I missed posting yesterday about a very, very important anniversary. One I never, ever thought I would celebrate. It was 3 years ago yesterday that Jeff and I began this crazy path to parenthood when we decided adoption was our destiny. I posted this blog post --> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2006/10/warning-mushy-post-about-adoption.html on our 1st anniversary of this day.

What more can I really say? I don't really think we are much closer to parenthood than we were on that day 2 years ago when I wrote that post. I look at my old posts and see a difference in what this wait has done to me. I am not hopeless but I am a lot less hope-filled than I was once.

I remember shopping on-line for baby furniture, making my packing lists and searching You Tube for people's Gotcha Day videos. I remember trying to find the best formula for the transition from China to the US, buying tons of books on attachment, China and the culture, children's books targeted toward adopted children. I remember exploring Yahoo Groups for China adoption, dreaming of the minute my little girl would be handed to me by a nanny or orphanage director, preparing myself for her tears and convincing myself that I would give her all the smiles and giggles it took to help her fight through them. I remember wondering how I would arrange for a crib in our hotel room in China or if co-sleeping would be best for our transition. I rememeber dreaming of pig-tails and hair bows, finding baby carriers, researching how to deal with a baby or toddler on long flights and wondering if it was really possible for those crazy folks who commit to adoption travel with carry-ons only. I remember when our biggest question was "Beijing before or after we pick up the baby?", not "Will this ever really happen??".

This has been a long, crooked, roller coaster filled, stomach-sickening, headache-causing and heart-breaking road. I know we aren't the only ones in the world dealing with this wait and this dream hanging by an ever-so-fragile red thread over our heads. Today, though, as I recall that day 3 years ago when we took the leap of faith on this journey, I feel like a different person than I once was. One a little more cynical, a little less filled with blind optimism, a little more filled with the pieces of a semi-shattered heart, with gallons less tears and tons more doubts. All of this to say, I am still that same woman with that same dream on same path. I ain't goin' nowhere until my arms are filled with my child and my heart is glued back together with the love I have on reserve for her alone.

I have published this poem on here before but I am going to post it again...for me.

Dear Sweet Daughter,

As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday.
My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay.
But now my dreams have been transformed. New visions fill my head.
Now the tresses that I long to stroke are raven black instead.

And in my dreams those eyes are not so big or blue or round.
Now in my dreams they're almond shaped and colored cocoa brown.
And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas.
They reach half-way around the world and hold you close to me.

As you grow in your mother's womb, carefully knit together,
you're also growing in my heart, where you will stay forever.
And in my dreams the moment that your mother says good-bye,
I'll be right there to comfort you and hold you as you cry.

Our features may not look alike; we're different as can be.
But still I know the Father has created you for me.
And though I've not yet seen your face, or held your tiny hands,
and though we're half a world apart in very different lands.

I'll be right there to get you just as soon as God allows.
But til He says the time is right I give to you this vow.
I'll pray for your protection every night on bended knee.
For God will hold you in His arms, until you're here with me.

-Gayle Leubecker

Race for the Cure 2008

Another Race for the Cure is in the books...and it was a great one! My nursing school class had a team this year and Brooke got us awesome-ly cute t-shirts. Jeff and I both ran the whole thing (although he, of course, was way ahead of me). This was also the first year that Brandee did the race instead of being there just as moral support. I am so proud of her (and her Leslie and Ricky too). It was a great time and, as always, inspirational. Here are some pics...click on it to see the album.

Race for the Cure 2008

Stressful Jobs

Jeff found this article on MSN --> http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom/msn/careeradvice/viewarticle.aspx?articleid=1649&SiteId=cbmsnhp41649&sc_extcmp=JS_1649_home1&GT1=23000&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=34c22f42e356427b909f1434f1cb6c9f-277123571-R8-4 . It talks about the 8 top stressful jobs. Number one is retail salespeople - sorry Brandee. Number two is doctors and nurses (I would lump this into all health care professionals)...that makes it bad for our household. Jeff and I are doomed to be stressballs. It's an interesting article though. I think they left out a few categories like military, technology jobs, etc. but they can't be perfect.

Adoption Forecast - October

Referrals this month covered the period from February 9-15, 2006. This was 6 days of LIDs and is right in line with the average. According to http://www.chinaadoptionforecast.com/, our new estimated date of referral is June 26, 2010. This only puts us 5 days behind last month's forecast...not so bad I suppose. To see last month's stats, go here ---> http://nicolesdoodlings.blogspot.com/2008/09/adoption-forecast-september.html . So here's the rundown:

• The average number of days referred each month is now 6.1. This month's progress was exactly average.
• There are now 119 days of LIDs ahead of ours (June 14, 2006).
• 119 days of LIDs/6.1 LID days per month = 19.5 more months of waiting

And now to reveal the identity of the objects in my last post....

They are just colored glass marbles that I bought at the new Garden Ridge down the street. It is not that the little colorful delights are anything special in and of themselves...it's what they represent that is special. This little container sitting on our dining room table holds 119 very pretty, candy-looking marbles. One for each day of LIDs ahead of us. Every month when referrals come out, I will ceremoniously remove the number of marbles that corresponds with the number of LID days referred until there are none left and we are holding a picture of our little one.

It really doesn't look like all that many, does it?

My favorite trash TV

What better to do than watch crap on TV when you want a stress reliever? I admit that I watch Maury...but only for the paternity testing shows. I really don't like those "my 18 month old baby weighs 100 lbs" or "is it a man or a woman?" shows. They are way too trashy for moi...hee hee.
I admit that I even DVR'ed an episode which Jeff is watching right now. The little caption box in the corner of the screen says, "Who's my baby's dad...my husband or his nephew?". Ba-ha-ha! We can never get enough of the, "I don't MAKE sick babies" or "Mexicans don't HAVE blue-eyed, blonde-haired kids" followed by Maury pronouncing..."Yo dude...you ARE the father." I just love when the moms get all up in the daddies faces and scream, "I told you...now pay up!" Of course there are the ones that are not so positive where the mommies end up running off the set and collapsing backstage only with Maury to chase them for his form of "comfort" (aka prying for information about all the booty calls she had so he can do more DNA tests). Of course the men stay on stage and perform their jovial break-dancing for the audience in the meantime. Such quality programming, isn't it?

On another note...I have a pretty picture to share.
What do you think this is? I will disclose the in the next post or two.

Nascar's in town

This weekend is the Nascar race at Talladega. It is a "safe" 40-ish miles from us but we are still inundated with number tattoo-ed and mullet-ed fans in our hotels and restaurants around here. The local economy LOVES this twice a year festival of beer bongs and folks yee-hawing for their favorite drivers. I, however, stick to my long-standing dislike of Nascar in spite of my dear husband's love for the "sport". Tomorrow is the big race and then the trailer brigade heads home...or on to next week's race.

Sarah Palin's a STAR

How great is it to go from relative obscurity to having your very own action figure/doll?!? I know she and her 5 kids must be proud. I doubt, however, that they would condone this little bustier/Catholic schoolgirl dress that someone took the liberty to don.
In this mess of politics, it's nice to see something a little funny in it all, right? I will be glad when November gets here...then we can have our scary Burger King commercials back instead of the "I'm good and he sucks" political ads.

I'm a big, mean complainer

I need this sign <--- as a reminder to myself. I have been especially gripe-ey lately and we all know that complaining and griping is very unproductive, right? Regardless, I have been able to find at least 5 big things each day to lodge a grievance about (in true PMS-ridden fashion).

Why do I or why does anyone complain? Do we think we are really going to initiate change in the target of our angst? Are we trying to make ourselves feel better by letting out the toxic energy? I don't really know the purpose but I know I do a lot of it...and I want to stop, I really do.

So here are a few things that I pledge to do to come between me and my complaining ways:

1. Think of 5 good things for each 1 thing that I complain about (hey, at least I'm realistic and know that I won't stop my griping cold turkey).
2. Take a Vitamin B6 supplement every day. I just learned that this is supposed to help with PMS so I'm gonna give it a shot.
3. Vary the targets of my complaining...not just at Jeff or my family members who pledge to listen to me. They can all have a little piece of it so no one person wants to kill me at any given time.
4. Really make a concerted effort to stifle the gripes. I know I'm a lucky chica so why do I spend more time on the negative rather than all the blessings I have?
5. Check in with myself on this topic at least once a week. Thursday is now the Check Yourself: Griping and Complaining Day...join me if you wish.
6. The last one....find one thing every week that inspires me and document it. That should be easy...there is inspiration all around.

Baby girl...or baby boy??

I have been so sure that our little one from China would be a girl. At the time that we began the adoption process there were very, very rarely any boys referred to waiting parents. Most boys that were adopted from China were from the special needs list (which is a special adoption process for both boys and girls who have minor and major special needs including cleft lip/palate, heart defects and other health problems or those who have just aged out of the regular non-special needs adoption process).

Well...there have been lots more boys in the referral batches lately and one has hit home. A couple in our very own, very small adoption agency who has been waiting for their little girl just received a referral for a little boy. I'm sure you can imagine just how shocked they must be. It's like having an ultrasound where the doctor is sure it is a girl and then finding out in the delivery room that they were wrong all along ... it does happen but it's rare.

So I am a little less certain of our little one being a girl (although I still believe in my heart that she will be) but I am sooo open to either. As long as our child is healthy and safe, I will be a happy mommy. But I better not buy any more little pink things that can't be donated to an orphanage just in case, right?

Lily Faith

I'm not sure if I have mentioned before that Jeff and I have a preliminary name picked out for our little one. We want her to have a name that incorporates as much love as possible and makes her truly a part of our family. It also needs to be something she can grow with. So...her tentative name is Lily Faith. Both are family names that mean so much to Jeff and I and we can't wait to tell her all about the special women who would have loved her so, so much.

I was thinking about my baby girl tonight and just did a google image search for her names and found these beautiful images. A purple lily from Beijing....


And, since Faith is not tangible, this is what I found to represent her middle name...



I go through these phases where she is just on my mind all the time...like she is now. I can't even explain how horribly I want to hold my daughter and how truly real she is to me. I may not have a swollen belly (although I have plenty of stretch marks ;)) but I am every bit of an expecting mom. The difference is that I have no idea of what my due date is and my labor pains have lasted over 2 years already...and they hurt in my heart instead of uterus.

A feeling...

I have been perusing the adoption rumor boards and taking a look at some folk's blogs and I don't know why or how but I have a feeling. I have no reason to believe this and choose to do so in spite of the adoption forecast that puts us with our baby in mid-late 2010 but I just have a strange but strong feeling today that Jeff and I will be parents in 2009. Of course I want it to be sooner than the dreaded 2010 but I have come to terms with that but still, I just feel it in my gut that it will be next year.

The next round of referrals should be on their way in the next few days and the CCAA should get to some point in mid-February, 2006...that means that there will be about 4 months of prospective parents ahead of us (with an average of 6 days referred each calendar month). Soon I will be posting the adoption update for September/October.

For now I really choose to hold on to my belief that it will be 2009...that we will be holding our little girl in our arms in less than 16 months. No harm in holding on to that for now, right? We do what we have to do to get by. :)