Patience is a virtue - just not one of mine

I have been having a really hard time lately dealing with the fact that it may be quite a long time before I become a mommy. I have just been feeling really impatient and wanting the adoption to happen right NOW! It has been 4 1/2 months since our paperwork went to China but it was 8 months before that of preparing paperwork and 4 years before that of infertility...a long time to hold on to a dream unfulfilled. Anyway - I decided today to look for something inspiring to help me a little bit and found this couple's "Gotcha Day" video on YouTube. It is not too tear-jerking but it is really beautiful (what I needed or else I would be a sobbing wreck).

Lines and Lizards

These words are more than just meaningless alliteration - they are the theme for today in Nicole's world.

Question: What's worse than a ton of Alabamians at a Nascar race?
Answer: A bunch of folks waiting in line for a very limited number of the new "TMX Elmo" toys


This morning Jeff and I went to Toys R Us to try to pre-purchase one of the new Nintendo Wii's for Mom and Dad. It turns out that today was the same day that they received a new shipment of those Elmo toys. What a fiasco...and we didn't even get the stinkin' Wii cause they only had 10 available and, of course, hard core folks were there at 9:30 last night sleeping outside the store. Funny experience.

And my 2nd trivia question for today...Which is weirder?
Choice A: A lizard on a cart in Super Wal-Mart OR
Choice B: A woman in Super Wal-Mart whipping out her digital camera to take a picture of a lizard on a cart

I saw movement out of the corner of my eye as I was grocery shopping and looked down at my cart, had a heart attack when I saw this lizard and then took it's picture. I know ladybugs are supposed to be good luck in China adoption - I wonder about lizards...hmmm.

Miracles

I know in my heart that all children are miracles and I witnessed some last night at our very first Families with Children from China (FCC) Waiting Families meeting. We were among 4 waiting families and 4 who were already home with their little girls. While I was a little disturbed that we were the ones with the most recent log in date and have the longest wait still ahead of us, I am so grateful that Jeff and I had the opportunity to meet other families who have been or are going through the same thing that we are. The baby girls were so sweet and their parents eyes were just so filled with love and contentment. I can't wait until we are the ones sharing our baby girl with families in the "waiting phase". We will meet about every 6 weeks and have speakers about adoption related topics. Just the stories from China and the honest accounts of real-life issues that these new parents have faced make these meetings so necessary for us. I just hope and pray that we are parents by this time next year - I know that is such a stretch for the timeline in China right now but I have to hold on to something.

PS - This is a picture from The Children's Place website :).

Puffy-eyed sisterhood

Brandee and I met for some sisterly pampering - we had our eyebrows waxed this morning. The lady that waxed Brandee's eyebrows started giggling and asked me if I saw her grip the arms of the chair really hard before she ripped the wax off - what a weeneeeee! Just kidding Bran. Anyway, you can see our red and puffy eyebrows - at least we won't have uni-brows.

Update: That line near my eyes on the side of my face is not a boo-boo - it must be a shadow but I have to admit it looks a little freaky. Maybe I could pass this off as my scary Halloween picture.

Shhhh...

I am cracking myself up right now. After some strong deliberation, I decided to indulge Jeff's man-crush with a special gift for our 5th anniversary. I got him a membership to the Justin Timberlake Fan Club. On top of that, I used the membership to get us pre-sale tickets to his concert on March 16th in Nashville - Jeff is going to be so um-cited. Of course I can't keep a secret so I have called him at work to tell him so that he can put in for the day off that day - now I just wait for him to call me back so I can break the news. Hee hee - we are so silly! Here is a YouTube of his newest video in case anyone wants to jam...

Friday Five: Treats

Today's theme is "treats" - I guess since Halloween is upon us. Doesn't really matter cause candy is one of my favorite things to talk about.

1. When you root through the Halloween candy dish....what do you pick out for your favorite?
I try my best to avoid the candy dishes since this is one major weakness for me but when I give in to the evil voice in my head I look for anything chocolate. I do love candy corns and licorice too though. Heck just give me any candy and I'll take it.

2. If you could "treat" yourself to something special....what would it be?
either a spa treatment (probably a massage or reflexology thing) or shopping for my baby girl - ahhh, someday

3. What do you consider a "treat" for a meal?
Anything with tons of cheese - macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, cheese dip with nacho chips

4. What could your significant other or friend do for you to "treat" you?
Rub my feet for longer than a commercial break - hee hee

5. What is the best "treat" you ever received?
so many to choose from... probably Jeff proposing to me or our decision to adopt - both life changing positive "treats"

PS - I went to the Hershey's kisses site and saw all the yummy new flavors they have - you can see them here http://www.hersheys.com/kisses/products/index.asp - just plain EVIL!

Buddha holds crazy ball

As I sit and wait for the next batch of baby referrals to be announced (and the website that I get ALL of my info from is down - AHHHH!) I am reduced to finding weird things that I deem entertaining. This morning I was walking through Wal-Mart to get some cards and saw this blazing at me from one of the aisles (thank goodness for camera phones). It just doesn't seem right to make a Buddha somehow lava-lampish. You might remember those electric light things that you touch and the light centers on your hand...this is a Buddha holding one of those - whodathunkit? So until I hear if the CCAA in China has made more progress on referring babies to their families, you all will have to be victims of my "stupid forms of entertainment".

Ok who did this?

Is someone trying to tell me something? You take one little letter off of my name and I am now "of the behind". I know I'm bossy and mean sometimes but what's up with that?

What are "Things Jason might see this week"?

Jason is lucky enough to be travelling for work this week and I'm kinda jealous. These are some things I hope he has a chance to see while he is way across the country. I know a stinky thing like work might get in the way but my suggestion is: CALL IN SICK! Hee hee.

Jeff and his 2 Nicole's

Yesterday Jeff and I spent most of the day with Nicole, a very special young woman who has been a part of Jeff's life since she was 4 years old (she's 22 now). We haven't seen her in a while so it was great to catch up and spend some quality time together. We had lunch, grabbed some frozen yogurt (yummy - my favorite), visited a new shopping center, went to see Man of the Year and had dinner. Jeff and I aren't used to being out and about for a whole day so we came home last night and crashed on the couch.

Of course I can't leave out how sorry I felt for myself most of the day with my boo-boo. Poor me. Ok I'm done.

Oops!

This morning Jeff and I were out for a nice run. We were enjoying the cool morning air, gazing at the pretty Fall leaves and doing our best to get fit when BOOM! I fell on my keester. In over 2 years of running, this is my first fall. Yes I have had a few stumbles, near misses but this is the first flat on my booty fall. Unfortunately, my bad knee took the brunt. Hey at least this new boo-boo will cover one of my surgery scars. I have once agained earned my name as Miss Grace.

Day 2 boo boo update (written on Sunday morning):
I had the belated onset effect with my boo boo and it started to hurt pretty bad last night. I now have a golf ball growing out of my knee cap. Since I landed square on my hip, my booty starting hurting and I couldn't sit down comfortably. Do you know how hard it is to sit on one cheek?

Friday Fiver

Theme: Pets!!

#1 Do you have any pets and what are they? I don't personally have any pets but I have a wonderful nephew dog named Elmo (affectionately called Schmelmo - see his cutie pie picture). I absolutely love pug dogs and had one named Harley when I was in college.

#2 Are you a cat person, dog person, exotic animal person or none of the above? I'm definitely a dog person

#3 What was your first pet as a child? I remember stories of our lhasa apso named Jenny but the first pets I really remember are our dogs Reykji and Keffi and the hamsters that we had that kept escaping from their cages.

#4 What animal could you not imagine in a million years having for a pet? a ferret - I think those things are icky and look really mean

#5 Tell us your favorite pet story

When I was about 10, we came home from visiting our grandparents right before a move and our doggies Reykji and Keffi were gone. Mom and Dad told us kids that they went to live at a farm where they would have lots of animal friends and room to play outside. As kids we were sad but accepted it and were happy that they would be in a good home. A year or two ago we were talking about our old doggies and Dad says "you really believed that story about the farm?" It turned out that they had taken the dogs to the pound. Thanks Mom and Dad. ;)

Ho-hum

There are some rumors that the cut-off for this month's adoption referrals from China will be Aug. 23rd of 2005 - that represents only 14 days of log in dates. At this pace we will be waiting FOREVER (most likely 2-3 YEARS) to see our baby girl's face. Anyway - to brighten the day I am posting a sideways picture of my tulips from last spring. Aren't they purty?

Huh?

Jeff and I were out the other day and happened to have the camera handy when we saw this license plate. Since this is how I have been feeling lately I thought it was kinda silly that someone would have this license plate - on purpose nonetheless. What's up with that?

This BLOWS!

Literally - this blows. We spent the gorgeous early part of today on a DIY project. Jeff has wanted to put more insulation into the attic for a long time now and today was the day. After a Home Depot trek, suiting up and getting psyched, we blew tons of junky stuff into our attic. It is not a project that I plan to repeat EVER again. Hopefully this effort will result in lower power bills and a happy hubby.

Race Day!

We had a very nice day today! The day started off with Jeff and I running the Race for the Cure 5K. We set a goal time of 33 minutes (a little better than our last 5K but still slower than my 2005 Race for the Cure time of 29:50-something -thanks knee surgery). Jeff crossed the finish line in 30:38 and me at 30:40 - my GPS told me this was a 9:53 mile average. Jeff did awesome! His Race for the Cure time last year was over 38 minutes so he shaved a whole 8 minutes off his time in just one year - I am soo proud of him. Here are some pictures of us before we left this morning (prepared for the 45 degree cold).

Then we met Brandee at the new massive shopping center in Trussville and had a very nice afternoon strolling and shopping. Brandee got this cute new hat - isn't she a hottie?

Overall we had a very nice day today - the weather was gorgeous and it was so nice to spend some good time with Jeff and Bran as we celebrate our 4 month anniversary of our log in date with the CCAA in China.

Friday Five for Friday the 13th

Theme: All things Creepy

#1 What is the strangest coincidence or freaky happening that you have ever experienced?
The only thing I can remember is a mirror that used to belong to my great-grandmother swinging back and forth on the wall when I was a kid - who knows if this really happened or if my creative mind made it up.

#2 What is the creepiest movie you have ever seen?
The first Nightmare on Elm Street - I don't think I slept for 2 days after that one.

#3 Are you superstitious or do you think it is all silly?
I have to admit that I have a healthy bit of superstition but by no means would I consider myself hard-core about it. Mostly I believe in strong episodes of coincidence.

#4 What are you most afraid of?
Dead cats in my yard or dead squirrels in my washing machine - ick.

#5 If you could time travel, what time period would you go to and why?
I would go into the future just for a glimpse of what to expect.

WARNING! Mushy post about the adoption

I didn't sleep too well last night. My mind was racing with thoughts about the adoption. It was exactly one year ago yesterday that Jeff and I sat on the couch in the living room and talked intensely about our options for creating our family. We had recently gotten bad news from the fertility doctor about our chances of ever having our own biological children and we were at a crossroads. Our options were to keep on spending time, money, emotional energy to continue fertility treatment or to put that part of our journey behind us and explore adoption. Needless to say our overwhelming choice was to start down the road of adoption and, within 5 minutes, we decided our baby girl was in China.

The decision that we made that day brought me the most overwhelming sense of peace. The struggle of infertility and loss was so painful for me and some days I still feel like I haven't completely put that grief behind me. When Jeff and I came together and decided that it didn't take our genes joining for us to truly and completely give our hearts to a child that would be ours, it was such a magical feeling. For the first time in years, I had so much hope for our future as parents and for my own future as a mommy - one role that I have desperately longed for for so long. That day and that decision have changed me. The dreams and hopes I hold today are drastically different than those that I held onto at the start of the fertility treatment. I dream of being handed my little girl and comforting her as she grieves the loss of her life in China. I dream of watching Jeff shower his little girl with kisses and love and seeing them create a father-daughter bond that will fulfill him and be a gift to both of them. I dream of Jeff and I as mommy and daddy to a precious child that was chosen for us by God.

This is a pretty emotional day for me as I remember this decision, reflect on the years that have brought Jeff and I to this point and look toward the future when, eventually, our dreams to become parents will be complete.

One year ago today, following our decision to start this journey, we completed the preliminary application to our adoption agency. After the 8 months of preparing our complete plea to China to allow us to adopt a baby girl, we now sit and wait (some days more patiently than others) for a picture of our future to come to us. We have no idea how long it will take....a year, two, three....there is no way to tell right now. The wait is hard now and will most likely get worse before it gets better but I have to convince myself that we have already survived the hardest part of our struggle to build a family. We are in this moment where we are supposed to be...

PUGDOGS!!

Need I say more? I love little pugdogs. They are so cute with their little squooshy wooshy faces. Ok so I need a life.

Scenes from my office

I have my camera at work today to download some pictures from an event this weekend and took some pictures of 2 of the most important things that I look at every day.

I have this big dry erase calendar that hangs on my wall. I put all of the upcoming Girl Scout program events on here but I also put my vacation. I know I just came back from one but, in just 4 weeks, Jeff and I will have a few days off for our 5th anniversary. I am the world's worst for looking so forward to time off. Hee hee.

Then I have my cute little name frame with tiles from Spain that Mom and Dad had made for me several years ago. I have put a couple of ladybugs around it so that every day I am reminded of my little girl in China (not that it takes a ladybug to make me think about her because she is in my thoughts every minute of every day). Ladybugs are supposed to be a sign of good luck in the whole China adoption process and, with the changing weather, ladybug sightings are rampant among my fellow parents-in-waiting.

Friday Five #2

Ok - back to the Friday Fives posted by my June 06 DTC group. Here goes this week's.

Theme: Sports (very appropriate since the Nascar race is in Talladega this weekend)

#1 What is your favorite sport to watch?
I am not a big sports fan but, like most women, I don't mind ice skating, gymnastics and don't hate golf. I loved watching most sports during the Olympics though.

#2 If you have kids do they play any type of sport and are you on the
sidelines cheering them on or if you don't have kids yet did you play
any type of sport when you were younger?
No kids yet but I hope that our little girl will be active in sports. I didn't really play sports as a kid - I was brainy.

#3 Is your significant other really into sports and do you like that
and join in or do you roll your eyes when football season comes around?
AY AY AY! Jeff loves all sports - I think it is the whole competitive thing. He loves this time of the year when there is college football on Saturday and Nascar racing on Sunday. I sometimes watch the football with him (groaning the whole time - I'm a bad sport) but Nascar racing is my grocery store and errand time.

#4 What do you think is the most ridiculous sport ever created?
Nascar racing - round and round and round. My 2nd choice would be that discus thing - looks pretty silly to me.

#5 If you could be a famous athlete who would you choose to be and why?
If I had to give up being a woman, I wouldn't mind being Lance Armstrong. Although he has retired from cycling, he is about to run a marathon - that man is a machine.

Chinese Moon Festival

This Friday is the Chinese Moon Festival. As we are waiting for our referral we will be learning all about the traditional Chinese celebrations so that we can share them with our daughter when the time comes. Here is a little from About.com about the Moon Festival:

"The Chinese Moon Festival is on the 15th of the 8th lunar month. It's also known as the Mid-autumn Festival. Chinese culture is deeply imbedded in traditional festivals. Just like Christmas and Thanksgiving in the West, the Moon Festival is one of the most important traditional events for the Chinese.
The Moon Festival is full of legendary stories. Legend says that Chang Er flew to the moon, where she has lived ever since. You might see her dancing on the moon during the Moon Festival. The Moon Festival is also an occasion for family reunions. When the full moon rises, families get together to watch the full moon, eat moon cakes, and sing moon poems. With the full moon, the legend, the family and the poems, you can't help thinking that this is really a perfect world. That is why the Chinese are so fond of the Moon Festival.
The Moon Festival is also a romantic one. A perfect night for the festival is if it is a quiet night without a silk of cloud and with a little mild breeze from the sea. Lovers spend such a romantic night together tasting the delicious moon cake with some wine while watching the full moon. Even for a couple who can't be together, they can still enjoy the night by watching the moon at the same time so it seems that they are together at that hour. A great number of poetry has been devoted to this romantic festival. Hope the Moon Festival will bring you happiness.
The moon cake is the food for the Moon Festival. The Chinese eat the moon cake at night with the full moon in the sky. "

Let's hope that our baby girl, if she has been born, enjoys the light of the moon as we watch it on Friday and think of her... hoping she is safe, healthy and waiting patiently for us.

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday to you
Happy birthday dear Da-ad
Happy birthday to you!

New Weight Loss Sub-Blog (is that a word?)

I have started another blog page which I am dedicating to the 25.2 pounds that I will be losing over the next few months. You can view this blog here --> http://nicoleislosingitagain.blogspot.com/ . I did this so I wouldn't overtake my doodling blog with weight loss stuff. I am really excited about my new weight loss adventure and hope to share it with whoever is interested.