Dads Don't Ride Motorcycles

Jeff has been spending quite a bit of time lately trying to restore this old motorcycle that has been hibernating underneath his parents' house for almost 30 years. It's a reeallly old 1972 Honda CB100 that he had back in the day when he was a slick, afro-sporting twenty-something. This bike is older than I am. Anyway, I digress. He has been surfing the web for parts, spending lots of time in the garage wire brushing, disassembling, painting and reassembling. He is pretty proud of himself and I am proud of him too...

Of course I am not a big fan of him riding any kind of motorized bicycle, moped, scooter, motorcycle, etc. They are dangerous. I don't want him to have any unnecessary broken bones, gravel embedded in skin, road burn and, really, I don't think if I wrapped him in Charmin that it would do much good. So...in my purely love-driven concern for my husband, I present the top 10 reasons why dads don't ride motorcycles...

10. Rain. If it rains then what do you do? I have heard that rain drops when you are riding a motorcycle feel like little bullets.

9. Leather. Jeff does own a shaft coat or 2 but that's not the type of leather you need to wear on a motorcycle.

8. Groceries. Where do you put the things you have to pick up at Publix on your way home? A gallon of milk doesn't just balance on the steering wheel.

7. Seatbelts. There are none. 'Nuff said.

6. Parking. I just hate when those motorcyle peoples take up that one last parking spot close to the door.

5. Traffic. How do you handle a motorcycle/motorbike in heavy traffic? Feet up, feet down? You definitely don't handle it by weaving in and out of standstill cars, right?!!?

4. Helmet. Do you really want to carry a big 'ole helmet inside work or at the store? How does that work logistically? I don't think it would fit in the lockers at the hospital.

3. Car pool. Don't even try to use the motorcycle thing as an excuse to pawn carpool off on me. Don't even.

2. Carseat. Simply put, you can not put a carseat on a motorcycle. So where is the place for that in a dad's world??!?!

1. 'Cause I said so. And now that I'm a mom, that should be good enough.