My Best Guess: Lily Between March 17-April 10

I know this seems like a wide date range but I am guessing we will see Lily's face between March 17 (3 weeks from the last referrals - pretty unlikely for the CCAA to do this twice in a row) and April 10 (45 days from the last referrals). Of course this is a guess.

Now that we are close, a lot of my co-workers and friends are asking questions. What will happen when we get the picture? Well...we may or may not know that our referral is on it's way to our agency. Referrals are delivered by DHL to the adoption agencies and then it is the agency that will call us and give us the information in the packet that is in English and tell us to come to their office to sign papers, see pictures, etc. Agencies didn't know this month that referrals were on the way so a lot of people got calls in the morning and were told to expect their referral call that day. A lot of people found out on www.chinaadopttalk.com (Rumor Queen) that referrals were starting to arrive and then they called their agencies. Ideally, our agency will know that our package is coming , they will let us know and Jeff and I can arrange to be off work so we can get to their office ASAP. Michelle, our agency rep, will call us and tell us Lily's Chinese name, date of birth, weight, maybe describe some pictures and tell us to come NOW. A lot of her referral information may be in Chinese and they will have to send it to their China reps for translation which could take 24 hours or so.

Once we get the referral package, we will accept it unless there is something glaringly wrong. Our agency will send our acceptance back to China and then we will wait for China to send us back approval to travel (our TA). When we get that, we can schedule our consulate appointment (the appointment we have to have before we come back to the US), etc. Our flights and hotel can then be booked around the consulate appointment. Ultimately we will end up travelling about 6 weeks from when we see Lily's face.

This really feels like the final countdown. Jeff and I are experiencing excitement like none we have had during this entire process. I can't stop thinking about Lily and where she might be, how old she is, how long it will be until we hold her, if someone is nurturing her and keeping her safe and warm and healthy. Jeff has been taking his breaks at work to make lists of pediatricians and even researched carseats on the internet yesterday. We are so close. So, so close. It's been 5 years and 4 months since we started this journey. I hope some day Lily will truly know how much we wanted her, planned for her and dreamed of her for so long.

Surprise Referrals

Today I was at work around noon and feeling very fortunate to get a lunch break since we were extremely busy and lately lunch breaks have been the exception rather than the rule. I heated up my little Weight Watchers points friendly meal, sat down with my co-workers, pulled out my cell phone to do my as-frequent-as-possible check of the China adoption sites when I saw something that made my heart flutter. Referrals came out today.

Keep in mind that they just came out 3 weeks ago today. And in the last few months they have been closer to 45-50 days apart. We weren't expecting a batch for at least another 2-3 weeks. What a fantastic, amazing turn of events. I really was just speechless for a few minutes before I ran to every one of my co-workers and told them. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

This batch of referrals looks very much like it will go to June 9, 2006. Can you please deduce what that means for us?!!? We are June 14, 2006....they covered 7 days with this batch....we are NEXT! While there is no real sure thing in this process, I am so optimistic that we will see our sweet Lily's face with the next batch of referrals...which could be 3 weeks or 6 weeks from now. Let the count-down, the freak outs, the last minute worries begin. I am so psyched.

The View From Here

Our Construction Project - Bathroom Edition

Jeff and I have been thinking of re-doing one of our two bathrooms for a while now. This is "my bathroom" and I primarily use it while Jeff uses the one off the master bedroom. Don't ask me why we work this way...we just do. Of course "my bathroom" will probably become Lily's bathroom when she gets older but for now she will have to share it with me. It is also the one that all of our guests use when they come visit.

We had done some work on it a few years ago...namely stripping wallpaper, painting the walls, painting the vanity and medicine cabinet. It was a little superficial re-do. This time around, we decided to do a gut job. I think we have been watching too many shows on HGTV.

I forgot to take a picture before I started ripping out the storage shelves but you can get a basic idea of the "before"...

It's not a very big bathroom but it was a big enough job. Jeff tore out the vanity, shoveled up the peel n stick tile, removed the toilet and medicine cabinet. After the gutting was done, all that remained was the tub, the walls and a hole where the toilet should connect to the floor.

Jeff started with cutting and laying down the cement backerboard for the tile (he said it was a crummy job), then the actual tile cutting and laying began. We had to rent a tile saw from the home improvement store and this became my job. I am so glad I took 2 years of wood shop in school. I did the measuring and cutting of the tile and Jeff used the thinset stuff to lay it, making sure it was reasonably level and spaced appropriately. After we finished that, we let it sit for a while before grouting. I grouted, Jeff sponged. Just the gutting and floor laying took us 3 days. Really. Then the attempts at the toilet re-install began....

I will skip all the details and just say that we had to wait a week for a plumber to come and re-install the toilet flange and give us back our "facilities". In the meantime, we painted the walls a lighter, neutral color, cut and re-cut baseboards and installed them, put in the vanity with new sink and faucet and medicine cabinet.
Finally, we have a completed bathroom. It is so hard to take a good "after" picture of a room that is like 6 ft x 4 ft.

See the gorgeous floor?!?! I think it just looks prettier to me because it was such a collaborative effort between Jeff and I.

It's not perfect by any means. There are some areas that we had to fill with grout cause some of my cuts were off. There is still some places we dinged the paint when we were finishing the installation of baseboards and things. There are some accessories to be added. But all in all, I think we will call it a success.

Countdowns

I'm freaking out a little bit these days. Maybe it's PMS. Maybe it's nesting. Maybe I'm just neurotic. Quite possibly it's a magical concoction of all of those and more. Jeff and I are counting down to Lily. My personal guess is that we are 2 referral batches from our little girl. That means 2 months-ish. I have approximated our timeline a million times before and have been proven wrong so nothing is concrete about my 2 months-ish projection but we are, indeed, closer now than ever and we will hopefully be travelling to China before the official start of summer.

My own personal countdown is a challenge that I have issued to myself. I want to be back at my goal weight by the time I become a mommy. Of course, I won't be upset if my baby girl joins us before that happens but I will be uber pleased with myself if I can accomplish this feat. I re-joined Weight Watchers at the end of October and, so far, I am down 23.6 lbs. I have 11 lbs left. My weight is definitely something I beat myself up over. It is an everyday struggle and I have vowed time and time again that I will never let my food adoration control my life again. Then life happens. Stress happens. Ice cream happens. I can only hope that I will never again be in my pre-WW body (in 2002 when I first joined at 352.6 lbs). To be back at my goal when I meet my baby girl will just be so empowering. And I really want to be a good role model for Lily.

Happy Year of the Rabbit!

Today is the Chinese New Year...the most celebrated holiday in China. This begins the Year of the Rabbit and it will be OUR year.

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone!!

P.S. Referrals are out for this month through June 2, 2006...see the side bar for the update.

I'm sorry Lily...

...there is a toilet in your room.

We are in the process of basically gutting one of our bathrooms for a major re-do and it's taking us longer and forcing more Home Dep0t trips than we could have ever imagined. In the meantime, we have "extra seating" in Lily's room. ;)

My 25 Year Old Dream Machine

Now for a random post...

I have had the same alarm clock since my 10th birthday. It was a gift from my Grandma and Grandpa L. I remember that birthday well...it was the big 1-0. I also got a white desk with red plastic handles and that same year I decorated my room in white, red and black and learned how to tease my bangs...it was the 80's...gimme a break ;). Who would have known that 25 years later, that same alarm clock would be waking me up for work?!? Seriously though, this clock has seen me through my middle school years in Jacksonville, FL, Brunswick, ME, Orlando, FL and my high school years in Key West. I took it to college with me and it woke me through four years of classes, changed majors, work study jobs. When I went home for the summers, I took it with me and it became part of my day in Hampton, VA where I spent the summer working temp at the shipbuilders and the next summer when I went to Spain and worked a summer job making $3.45/hr with a bunch of Spanish men teaching me curse words. It woke me up the day I graduated from Emory with no job in sight and the fear of adulthood and independence overwhelming me.

I packed it with me when I moved in to my very first apartment. My first day of work as a grown-up at the American Cancer Society in Atlanta started with the familiar "bing bing" of this machine. When I met Jeff and we decided to move me to Birmingham, it found a new home. It stirred me awake on the day that I married the man of my dreams.

Then when we began the journey to building our family, it woke me before dawn so I could make it to the fertility doctor a few times each week for tests and ultrasounds and still get to work on time. I admit that during those days, I pushed snooze a few extra times and probably just turned it off and called in sick once or twice.

This little "dream machine" was by my side on the morning that we decided to begin our journey to Lily. It was there when I decided to say sayonara to the daily grind and go back to school. My first day as a nurse, it didn't even need to buzz to wake me...I was so full of nervous excitement.
Twenty five years is a long time for any gadget to stay in working order but I have not had one day when my alarm clock has failed me. I bet my grandparents, when they shopped for the perfect gift for a ten year old nerdy kid, had no idea that I would have their gift way beyond my childhood, into adulthood and now as I face becoming a parent. However corny it is, I have really felt myself reflecting on life's landmarks lately. Maybe it's part of the new chapter that we are about to open in our lives or maybe it's just part of me getting old. Whichever, I really look forward to the morning I hear the familiar buzz, grab some suitcases and head to China to meet our little girl. That day isn't that far off. That will be the first day of a whole new set of alarm-worthy opportunities.

"blah blah blah, YOU ARE NEXT, blah blah blah"

This is all I heard the other day when our sweet rep from the adoption agency called to touch base with us. She just wanted to get things straight about our immigration approval (that was the source of a couple headaches recently) and confirm our dinner plans for next week but the only 2 words I heard the first time I listened to the message are "YOU ARE NEXT". Now this doesn't mean that our LID (6/14/06) will be the next batch of families to get referrals but we are our adoption agency's next group so, whether it takes one month or ten, Jeff and I and the other great couple we are logged in with will be the next of their families to see babies.

For some reason those three words still give me chills though. So much so that I had a hard time sleeping last night. I was wondering where Lily is and if she is warm and able to sleep at night. I wonder if there is someone holding her and making her coo and smile. Some times these thoughts just drive me crazy. Just to know that my baby is out there somewhere in an orphanage or foster home makes my stomach both hurt and full of butterflies at the same time. Anyone who says that you have to have a baby in your belly to fall in love with them is so, so wrong. I am in love with this child who I don't know, have never seen on ultrasound and never felt kick. I haven't heard her heartbeat, don't know her due date and don't even 100% know that she is a "her" but I am in love. She is my baby. Our baby. And we are next....at least kinda. :)

Today

"Take the first step in faith. You don't have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step."

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

I have used this quote so many times to give me peace and purpose during our wait for Lily. There is no word that describes our ability to persevere during these times than faith.

Today is MLK, Jr. day. I remember when I was in high school, we would all gather in the auditorium during the week of MLK day for a program to commemorate the legacy of this great man. There was a very strong voiced, full of spirit man who worked for the school who would walk in slowly from the back of the auditorium with those four powerful and meaningful words ..."I have a dream...." . Here were are, almost 48 years after Martin Luther King, Jr. gave this speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. And I am able to look at my soon-expanding multi-racial family with pride and not shame. I'm able to hold my husband's hand in public and for people to know us as a couple who love each other deeply and no more. What a gift for all the people of our country and our world.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character." -MLK, Jr.

May his words give us pride in the state of our society, though we still have progress to be made, and unlimited hope for our future.

Some times it takes 3 times

Remember the immigration approval that we got about a month ago?? The one that I was so psyched about because the Vaseline I caked on my hands made my fingerprints take?? Well...we had a tiny hitch with it. My middle name was listed wrong. While this may not seem like a big deal, it is because everything has to be absolutely perfect when we present our forms in China to get Lily's visa, bring her in to the US, etc. So I called and asked them to make the adjustment and they did but.....the 2nd time my middle name was right but it was spelled wrong. So I called back and asked them to fix it again and, less than 2 weeks later, we now have our complete and accurate final immigration approval. It is good until early 2012 which should be enough time for us to receive our referral, travel and be home. This SHOULD be it.

While it took 3 times to get this approval right, I have to say that everyone I talked to at the USCIS that issues approvals was AWESOME. I expected the run around and bad attitude every time just cause and I was so wrong...they were nice and they were obviously pretty prompt. And I am so thankful that this happened now while we are still waiting rather than when we have Lily's picture and are trying to plan our travel to get her around all these masses of paperwork.

So we are now approved, approved and approved and the next paperwork we will do will be when we see our sweet child's face. Wow.

2011 Ice Storm

We knew this was coming. All last week and in to the weekend we have been expecting as much as 8 inches of snow and ice. The weather people even told us that we could get some "thunder snow". This actually doesn't look very bad but I reached my hand down to touch the snow and it is solid ice. At least 2 inches of it. We weren't worried though cause Jeff wasn't on call, I wasn't scheduled to work till Tuesday and we figured the worst case scenario would be that we would be stuck in the house until Monday night's BCS National Championship Game with Jeff's absolute favorite team - Auburn. He has been counting down the days until this game since Auburn won the SEC championship and we have both been hard core following his team this whole season.

Anyway...Jeff got an emergency call yesterday afternoon from his co-worker who was on call this weekend. Her mother was sick and she needed to rush to her bedside. I mean, really, how could he possibly not say ok and take her call. This is my husband we are talking about...he doesn't say no and has the most dependable work ethic of anyone I have ever met. Of course, within 20 minutes it was sleeting and within 2 hours he was getting called to spend the night at work. I was beside myself upset and feeling pretty crummy for him too.

So here we are, Monday afternoon, and it is looking more and more like Jeff will be stuck at work for the much anticipated Auburn game. I know he is upset. I am sick to my stomach for him. He slept on a stretcher last night and surely hasn't eaten a good meal. He has been working today just like it was a normal day but double-ey hard since the interstates and surface roads are closed and his co-workers can't make it to the hospital. My poor hubby. Hopefully as the day progresses, the ice will melt enough for some people to make it to the hospital to relieve him so he can come home to rest and watch his game. :(

Adoption Seminar

Mom and Dad were back in town this past week and, of course, we had a great visit. The last day that they were here, we went to a class that we have been waiting years to attend...
We were all pretty psyched to learn about issues that we might face with Lily. I was so glad that my parents were able to be there and that they will be such a huge part of Lily's world. She will be so lucky to have fantastic grandparents, aunts and uncles.

We had several great speakers who discussed medical issues, development of motor skills and speech, attachment and bonding and racial/multiracial identity issues. There were more than 20 families there who were in all stages of the adoption process from just beginning the home study to post-referral and preparing for travel. There were also many countries represented including China, Ethiopia, Russia, Peru, Moldova and many more. It was pretty awesome.

Karen and Tony, the other couple whose paperwork travelled with ours to China and who we will be with during our journey, were also there. They are amazing and I am really looking forward to sharing this experience with them. They are also awaiting their first child and we will be getting together with them for dinner really soon.

I have been planning to go to this class since we first started the adoption process but I have put it off in hopes that we could soak up all the information when we are close to referral so that we won't forget it by the time we are holding Lily. I think this was probably perfect timing since we are pretty close (fingers crossed).

After Saturday, I am even more excited about where we are with building our family and so happy that we will be prepared for the fantastic moments ahead and the challenges that we are now more equipped to face. Bring on our little girl!!

We are in possession of the notorious clam chowder

Remember this ---> Tale of the Clam Chowder ?!? Well...my parents were visiting a few weeks ago and I knew it as only a matter of time before they transferred possession of the notorious clam chowder back to Jeff and I. After all, it has been a bit since we plotted and schemed a way to exchange ownership. Usually this happens by hiding said old, foil-reinforced can of clam chowder and rushing out the door only to call the victimized party a few minutes after leaving to tell them to make sure to look in the special hiding spot.

Well...this time I was headed to work as Mom and Dad were getting ready to head back to Virginia and, wouldn't you know, I get this picture text ---




See my sneaky Dad depositing that blasted can of clam chowder on top of the TV stand??? Of course, that night when I came home it was right there as they had left it. Boogers. So now Jeff and I have a challenge ahead of us...how to come up with a sneaky way to make sure that we can stick them with the can again ASAP. I definitely don't want to be in possession when it decides to explode.

Christmas 2010

Here are some scenes from our Christmas. We were so fortunate to have Brandee, Leslie, Jason and Archimedes over for the holiday. We made kraut runsis and just visited with each other. It was great.
Me forcing Archimedes to pose for a self picture. He would rather eat my face.

Jeff just fakes not liking dogs. Really.

Cheeeeeeeese.

Leslie and Brandee about to open stockings. Brandee was sporting her sparkly Santa hat....she always has to rock something style-ey.

My bro opts not to be featured in photography but he was there cracking us up the whole day. Jeff and I are so, so lucky to have such a great fam.

Next Year is Gonna ROCK

I spent today taking down Christmas decorations. Trust me, it was more fun putting them up. But anyway...one thing I have been doing over the past few days is writing down some of the things I want to do next year and taping them on the closet door (where I hung our stockings and cards). Today, I pulled them down and I'm going to tuck them in her stocking until next year. I am so, so excited that the next time I see these stockings, the Christmas lights and ornaments, candles and such will be when I am unpacking them with our little one.

As we close out this year, I am more excited for the future than ever before. This WILL be the year that Jeff and I have what we have dreamed about for our entire marriage....a family!

Imagining Next Christmas Eve...

I'm stealing this topic from one of my favorite adoption forums...I can't help it. As Jeff and I sit here watching the news on Christmas Eve and watch the weatherman track Santa on his NORAD, I really can't NOT think about what next year will be like...or how thankful I am for where we are right now.

Let me start by saying that this past couple of weeks has been a trial of patience and a huge reminder of how precious life, health and happiness are. Dad was in the hospital for the 2nd time in 2 weeks and, although there are still no concrete answers as to what is going on, he is feeling better and I am really hopeful that things will resolve in the best possible way. I know Dad reads this blog, probably more than anyone, and I just want to express how much this has reminded me of how much I cherish my parents. The thought of anything happening to them drives me to almost seizures of panic. I can't even imagine. I love them both so much and want desperately to share the excitement that Jeff and I are about to have with them and watch them become grandparents to our Lily. I just know that she will love them as much as I do.

Maybe it's the drama of these past few weeks that is bringing me to all the thoughts of Lily tonight. All the Christmases we will share. The excitement-filled and sleepless Chrismas Eve nights that are to come. Jeff and I up late putting together dollhouses and bicycles. Us helping her write her own letters to Santa every year. The Elf on a Shelf pranks. The story times and candy canes. Starting next year, Christmas will be different for us. We put up a tree this year because I swore we would, whether we were home with our girl or not. The lights are twinkling and they will again in 365 days from now as we prepare to tuck Lily in to bed for Christmas Eve night. I want her to have Christmases like me, Jason and Brandee had growing up. Special new pajamas to wear to bed on Christmas Eve, early morning wake ups, green Christmas tree cookies, those special ornaments on the tree that we made in school as gifts for our parents, giggles, playing all afternoon. I have such precious memories with my family and really, really can't wait to make new memories with my child.

On this Christmas Eve night, I ask Santa to fill my stocking with hope and faith and a promise for next year. All I really want is my family...all of us together, healthy, happy and looking forward. Next year, Christmas is at the Masseys. I can't wait!!

4 1/2 years = 54 months

Today marks 54 months of our "official" wait. Hopefully not much longer to go...

Thank You Vaseline

Days of coating my hands with vaseline to try to plump up my fingerprints and give those ridges some stick-to-it-tive-ness worked! We received our immigration approval with updated fingerprints today. I am thrilled!! I really was worried about having to be fingerprinted a couple times unsuccessfully and then having to travel to some far-away city again like the last time. I was also worried about some document being missing or some procedure change that would wreak havoc on this renewal also. It seems like a lot of people who are going through renewals lately have been having lots of problems so I have been prepared for a hullabaloo.

Now, with this hurdle toppled, all we can do is wait, read books, make sure the nursery is completely ready, make our packing lists, learn more about attachment, try to enjoy our last few childless months and just count the days until we see Lily's face. It's been hard these past couple of months because things are so very unpredictable with this process. In fact, referrals are later than normal this month and it is making me want to chew my fingers off. I keep reminding myself that there is nothing I can do about it...just hope that she is safe, healthy and happy while she waits for us.

Bullets

Lots of things going on here these days...and I am failing to blog successfully about them so here goes some bullets.

• Mom and Dad were here in the 'Ham for almost 2 weeks. Although I had some horrendous PMS for a few days, I still really enjoyed their visit. Thanksgiving was great with Brandee, Leslie and Jason here with their canine children. Having all of them around makes me realize how intensely I miss my family. I wish everyone lived closer.
• Weight W@tchers has changed the points program and I am reeling. I have been counting points now for almost 8 years and this change has thrown me for a super loop. It is a healthier program but really pushes protein and fruits/veggies. I guess it doesn't hurt to change it up especially when I have been struggling up and down with these same 30 lbs. In the last month I have lost 10.4 lbs so I can't complain. I just need to keep it up so I can be a slimmer momma when we travel to China.
• I have now been in my "new" job for a little over 6 months and I am getting used to it. We are so, so busy every day when I work and I really work with some fantastic people. I am sure that cardiac nursing is where I am supposed to be and am starting to think about what my future may hold in this area. I really do plan to go back to school but Jeff and I need to get Lily home and settled first.
• Dad was in the hospital on Friday after having some tummy/chest pains. He was admitted for observation and to say I was a little worried is a huge understatement. Thankfully he started feeling better and was discharged late Saturday after ruling out any acute cardiac event. Don't scare me like that again please.
• Jason continues to rock his new house. He is learning all kinds of home improvement things and I am counting on him to share all his knowledge as we look toward re-doing one of our bathrooms. I'm talking tile, new toilet, new tub fixtures, etc.
• Brandee is in the throes of retail holiday nightmare. She has been working tons and dealing with those nasty holiday shoppers. Poor thing.
• Jeff is on cloud nine these days with his fave team, Auburn, now going to the BCS National Championship. He cracks me up with his blue and orange theme every Saturday and I have to say that watching him and how much he enjoys his Auburn football has made me find secret pleasure in sitting and watching it with him. I just love when he talks to the TV.
• While last month's China referrals were less than stellar, we are still fairly close to seeing Lily's face. This month's referrals should be coming out any day and we will have a better idea of what we are facing then but my best guess would be that we have 2-3 more months left. Earliest referral...late January. Latest referral....June or July. I'll take it.
• Jeff and I went to be fingerprinted last Tuesday, November 30th in order to update our immigration paperwork. If you remember, I was un-fingerprint-able last time so this time I spent a couple days putting vaseline on my hands trying to plump up my prints. I did this because the only thing that works to get my fingerprints to take on the medication machine at work is for me to rub my finger on my forehead...just enough face grease to make the print visible for the machine. Pretty gross, huh?!? Hopefully my prints will take and we won't have paperwork renewal drama. Cross fingers and say prayers for us.
• Last week I turned the big 3-5. It was a big deal for me. I don't know why this one is hitting me harder than any other.

I'm guess that pretty much sums things up for now. We are looking forward to an exciting few months ahead and are really looking forward to closing out 2010 and charging straight ahead in to 2011...which promises to be the best year yet.