Loss, grief and love

Today I have a story of loss. For me, yes, but mostly for the man that I love. A year ago on Monday he lost his mommy...and I can absolutely not comprehend his pain. On that day a year ago when our phone rang before the sun rose, the message to come quickly because it was time...I know I lost a part of him that can never be replaced.

Loss and grief. Visits to a grave and memories rushing back. Having to go through things and sort out what meant something to someone who, herself, meant so much. Trying to hold on to those things...even though things are just things. Missing and missing and missing...so many times I have just looked at him and known that he was just missing her - the ache so evident on his face. Dreams of her waking him at night...his way to tell her once again that he loved her so much. Never feeling like he could say it enough. I know she knew...

She used to beam with pride when she told me stories of her mischievous little boy...so many times I listened, laughed with her as she celebrated the joy of her life. I watched her eyes fill with happiness, so proud of her son...and I watched him hold her face and stare into those same eyes when he felt her life slipping away.

Loss, grief and love. I can't talk about her and not talk about love - it would just not be right. She lived her life so filled with love. Of glorious, humble, living life to the fullest kind of love. She was a woman who gave life, nurtured life, lived life and finally left life...all with a love that was so deep and true.

A year ago this world lost an amazing woman...a woman who gave this world a precious gift with her life. I was so blessed to know her and love her...so so blessed to not miss out on that chance. She lives on through many happy memories, the giggles and good times that were shared...the years of love.

When the sadness recedes and he basks in the joy of his memories, I wonder if he knows that I see her smile in his laughter.