How do you measure a year in the life??? Yes I am singing the song from Rent. No matter how much denial I am in, the day has come...we are now officially into counting the years since our log in date instead of the measly months. One year ago today, a very nice person in China stamped our dossier (which we poured 8 months of our heart and soul into) with the date June 14, 2006 and we got in line to wait for our baby.
Today I have already reminisced about the FedEx saga that we endured after the wrong bar code was scanned starting in Alaska and all the way until our dossier arrived at the CCAA in Beijing and our 2 weeks of panic thinking our dossier would have to be recreated from scratch...I have already cried a few tears remembering how hopeful I was that we would be parents within the year while I must now accept that the timeline has possibly tripled or quadrupled and it could be 2009 before Jeff and I are mommy and daddy...I have giggled thinking about the home study question where Jeff answered that his worst problem growing up was getting the girls to stop calling after 10 p.m. ( yep that's my hubby)...and now I am just at my own weird state of peace I suppose. This journey is out of my hands completely and I am a control freak...not a good combo.
This morning as I was driving to work I thought - "What if this never happens and I am never a mommy??"...my answer to myself, in typical control freak fashion, is "NOT ACCEPTABLE!!". There is no negotiation to my future on this one topic...so watch out China because I will be there one day to celebrate the most beautiful moment of my life...when I look into my baby's eyes for the first time and know that all of my life's journey was leading toward that one moment...and my dream will be fulfilled...no negotiation.
So today's quote from my Zen calendar is from St. John of the Cross -
"In prayer, come empty, do nothing."
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