Top 10 Reasons I Despise Wal-M@rt

What a joy it is to go to the local Wal-M@rt. It is so much fun that, after today's adventure, I am compelled to write my own "Top 10 List".

Drumroll please...

This is the TOP 10 REASONS WHY I DESPISE WAL-M@RT:

1. The aisles may be a little wider these days but it doesn't prevent people from going 3-wide with their carts and completely blocking oncoming traffic. All the while, they are pretending to care about the nutritional info on every box of food. In reality, it's just a conspiracy to prevent you from passing them and continuing your grocery shopping.

2. The hygeine items are always on the opposite end of the massive super-center from the food. Thus, I can park near the food section, walk to the hygeine items first and load up on body wash and toothpaste, walk 1/2 a mile back to the food and then realize I forgot the lotion. I shouldn't complain cause I do get a good amount of exercise this way.

3. The people who frequent this store think that the marketing campaign "rollback" prices means "roll" out of bed in your pajamas and go shopping. I've never seen so much spandex, flannel pj pants, head wraps or hole-filled smurf t-shirts in my life. Not that I judge people by their garb. Not me.

4. The little 7-ish-year-old kid in the shower curtain section today who gave me the "hood sign" (picture Sammy Sosa mixed with the girls from "Bring It On") while making eye contact and trying to challenge me to a game of chicken with his mom's shopping cart. Who's gonna turn first?!? It won't be me little Mr. G-man.

5. Inevitably it's sunny outside when I go in and then miraculously Noah calls out to God and starts the deluge of rain, lightning and thunder right as the cashier is scanning my items. And then I forget where I parked my car and end up walking around in ankle deep water in the parking lot...watching the dirty diapers that someone tossed out of their car float by.

6. The cashier, who is never in any kind of hurry to shorten the ever-growing line, pretends to be one of those people who are 3-wide in the cereal aisle who cares about the nutritional info on the box of all the food. But this time, she scans, reads the box of MY food, decides if she wants to ask me if it's good or not, then puts it on top of the bread or eggs that are in my bag.

7. The scooters. If you can walk from your car to the door without limping, breathing heavy or struggling in any way then you do NOT need one of the store's motorized scooters to do your shopping. In fact, you might benefit from the half mile back and forth between the food and hygeine products like me. And having 5 rambunctious kids under the age of 6 to run up and down the aisles and run in to people while you hit the gas and ignore them does NOT qualify you for a scooter either.

8. The self-checkout lane doesn't have an item limit. The store just assumes that people have common sense and won't choose the self-checkout if they have three carts full of stuff, one of which is produce. Please people. I just want to get my loaf of bread and go.

9. The swirly bagging station at the end of every checkout. This contraption requires that you remove your bags as they are filled and turned toward you. But without fail, the cashier bags the last few items on the belt, tells you your total, you swipe your card and pay and she keeps the last bag turned toward her so you can't grab it. Your choices are: 1) to look inside every bag on the carousel to make sure it's empty and turn it toward you yourself so you can grab the last bag 2) trust the cashier and let her go home with your hot dogs and ice cream or just toss those treasures that you paid for bag in the "go-backs" cart contributing to Mr. Sam's bottom line or 3) have faith in the cashier to turn the turn-style toward you and then keep your ears open when you are at least half way to the door and she starts screaming "Ma'am, ma'am!!! You forgot your bag!".

10. The people who choose to beat their children in the store. I'm sorry that little Bobby screamed for the swirling, light-up lollipop that the store has strategically placed right in the check-out lane to fulfill the inevitability of a tantrum. I'm sorry that Bobby didn't take you seriously when you told him no the first time. I'm sorry that you raised this little kid to disrespect you while your ho-ho's and miller lite's are being cha-chinged. Please don't hit your kids in Wal-M@rt. It doesn't teach them a lesson and just makes all of us feel like crud.

Soo....there you have it.

Disclaimer: I do have friends/family members who work or have worked at this store and am not insinuating that all employees, patrons act this way. Forgive me if this applies to you. Or don't.