Lily is at the very least inconsistent with her sleeping. I have read that a LOT of adoptive families have persistent sleep issues and I'm afraid we are becoming one of them. Don't get me wrong, it's not horrible and I'm really not to the point of breaking from sleep deprivation but it is an issue. We have only been home a month so I'm not classifying this problem as chronic quite yet.
Fortunately Jeff is still home with Lily during the day and can give her the naps that she needs while she still needs to lay on us to sleep during the day. He is even weaning her from that a little and she took one or two naps in her pack-n-play this week. Her nap times, however, are different every day (maybe our fault) and the duration of her naps varies from 20 minutes to 2 1/2 hours. For the past 5 nights, I have had the most awful time putting her to sleep at night, though. Literally from 8pm until 10:30pm I have been rocking her, walking her back and forth, patting her back, jiggling her, singing to her just trying to get her to konk out. This is taking a toll on my arms and back but mostly, it makes me feel like a little bit of a failure and deprives her of the ability to fall asleep peacefully. For the past 3 nights (2 of them work nights for me), she has woken up around 11:30pm and been awake for the majority of the night. Therefore I have been awake the majority of the night rocking her, playing with her to try to tire her out and just functioning as a zombie while she gazes at me wide-eyed and full of energy. How can she do it?!? She still functions normally during the day, takes her little naps and has her smiley face. I have to say, I'm struggling while I'm at work. I have downed more coffee and diet coke this week than ever before. I am even contemplating caving and starting on that 5 hour energy stuff just to get me through. It doesn't help that we have been soooo busy at work this week and I haven't even been able to take a lunch break.
Please don't get me wrong. I wouldn't change my little girl for anything in this world. I know we will make it to the other side of this. She just may be 4 years old before we do. Even in the middle of the night, I stare in to those eyes and just melt and I have no choice but to kiss her yummy cheeks and sing her "I love you" songs. I just wish we could get a solid 4-6 hours sleep and sing when we wake up.
On top of the sleep issues, I am having working mom's guilt. I don't want to work. I want to play with my baby all day and not miss a second of her life. I have waited so long for her that it just seems wrong that I haven't had more time before going back to work. But it is what it is. We will make the best of this and Lily will be with at least one person who loves her more than life at all times. We are so very fortunate for that. But for now, I will feel like crap at times, be tired more than not but still be the happiest mommy in the world. 
4 comments:
I am sorry about the sleep thing...sometimes it gets better and sadly, sometimes it doesn't. Is her crib in your room....is she waking up to eat at night? Does she have/need a nightlight? Soft music playing in the background? I am sure you have tried all of these and many more...wishing you sleeping nights soon.
Ugh! Sleep issues. So sorry.
About naps... I can tell you Mia is very scheduled. Her choice, not mine. I'd rather parent a little more freely but her foster mother must have had her on a schedule cuz if we stray too far from it I pay. I'd imagine the orphanage was probably really scheduled with Lily too. After some trial and error and new mommy mistakes, I've finally figured out her schedule.
Mia naps almost exactly 2 hrs after waking. How long is inconsistent. Sometimes 30 mins..sometimes 2 hrs. But no matter how long she sleeps she starts getting cranky and goes down for an afternoon nap 2-3 hrs after waking from nap #1.
Maybe that might help somehow? I don't know the answers. I wish I did. Try to sleep when you can. The housework and other stuff can wait til she's older. LOL! Good luck. :)
We have four kids, the last one adopted, and one soon to be adopted seven year old. Each one has been different. Of course with the first one I was clueless and he was a night owl. Couldn't wake him with a rocket in the mornings if he wasn't ready to get up. Second one could have been a human alarm clock, she was so consistent. Third one was like the first.
Here is my best advice. Never vary her sleeping routine. I mean never. Do not use a night light, or music, or any other sensory stimulant. Don't put her crib in your room. Let her cry if that's what it takes-if she's still crying after 20 minutes, go get her but only for a little while. I know that everyone in the adoption world advises against this, but she is a baby and babies need to know that you are in charge and that there is a routine. It is reassuring to them. Adopted children especially need this, even if it means that she must suffer a little through the adjustment.
You can bet that she didn't sleep on someone's chest or choose her sleep times at the orphanage. If she were in daycare, she would not choose her times either. It doesn't mean she wasn't loved. You giving her a schedule doesn't mean you don't love her. It means that you are meeting her needs and the needs of your family. Chances are that you had some type of schedule as a child and some type of routine. Don't feel guilty about it; be the mom. You need to take care of you to take care of her.
Good luck!
Ruby
I totally disagree with Ruby.
My little guy is 8 months old - just two days younger than Lily! He doesn't have a consistent sleep pattern. He's pretty good at night, only wakes up a couple of times to eat - no he probably doesn't need to eat, but I enjoy the bonding and I know he does. He usually goes to sleep anytime between 8 and 10.
He is in daycare and does not have a consistent nap routine. He sleeps whenever he is tired. Different times every day - the same at home. Sometimes they are cat naps, sometimes they are longer. Sometimes he sleeps in his car seat, sometimes in my arms, sometimes in a swing. He sleeps longer when he is swinging, in a car seat or with someone holding him.
He has a night light in his room and a little lamb that makes different soothing sounds.
This works for us!
This is a quote from Dr. Sears. "...there are many nighttime parenting styles, and parents need to be sensible and use whatever arrangement gets all family members the best night's sleep."
So if she sleeps on you, with you, next to you, in the car seat with the vacuum cleaner running, whatever gets everyone the best nights sleep - do it! And don't feel bad about it! Only you know what is right for your little girl!
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