I had a big rant of a blog post written out and then I chickened out just as my finger was on the "post" button. I am trying really hard to be positive these days. As I approach motherhood, I want to let go of a lot of the bitterness that has seized me in the past few years. This adoption wait on top of the infertility/miscarriage period has been so incredibly difficult and has shown me so much about myself and those around me. I know who I can talk to about the adoption, who will listen to me cry about it when I'm sad, who will be ecstatic with me when I talk about the fact that we are mere months from parenthood and who I just need to not talk to about it and just smile as they change the subject when I bring it up. It's ok. I'm ok with it now.
I know that I will be a mom soon and I will be able to participate in those conversations about temper tantrums and potty training...I won't just be the one in the group who sits on the sidelines speculating. I am anxious for that and I know who will meet me and Lily for playdates with their kids and who I will call for advice when I hit a wall. I want to focus on that and how amazingly fortunate I am to have some spectacular friends who share joy and sorrow with me and not on the topic of my unpublished rant post.
Geesh, it feels kinda good to stifle some of that negativity. Maybe I'm almost a grown-up.
UPDATE: It appears that I didn't actually not post that negative post. I just checked Google Reader and it was there. Hmmm...maybe I published then un-published. It's a mystery.
2 comments:
Girl, I can only imagine what rush of emotions that you are experiencing! I'm so excited for you :) More than you know I'm sure since I'm a state away and I haven't seen you in months now! I need to make a visit to Birmingham to see my Nicole, and soon! Seriously though, I think about you often. I hope you are loving your new job! Love and miss you :)
Of course I had to go to Google Reader and check it out. :)
Let me just say... I've had All The Same frustrations with family and friends. From buying me Mother's Day gifts in 2006 and then totally avoiding me on that day in 2010. To not validating my opinions on child raising "because I don't have kids". Etc etc etc.
Not sure what it is. Maybe just an awkwardness on their part. Not knowing how to treat us..."does she want me to acknowledge her on Mother's Day or would that just hurt more" kind of mentality. And instead of trying to figure out the best approach deciding to just ignore it and avoid it. Who knows?
I just know that EVERYONE in my life will be glad when this wait is over so we can all stop walking on eggshells with each other and get back to some kind of normal.
So vent away anytime. I get it.
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