Every single day with Lily is so amazing. Today I looked at her while she slept in my arms and just savored every pore of her skin, strand of her hair, fold in her ear, every perfect little finger, the way her chest rises and falls with each sweet baby breath and I was once again in awe of the miracle that has blessed us. Every thing about this child is so perfect to me, even the agonizingly painful 5 years that we waited for her. I would change NOTHING. I will, however, always remember that ache in my heart that longed for HER. I know very well the dull but constant throbbing of empty arms. I only have to re-read some of my blog posts to re-live some of the raw emotions that plagued the pre-Lily me. If only I had known that MY DAUGHTER would be at the end of that wait...wow, would I have left some of that pain behind and been so freaking excited. As I watch my little one and look forward to the next time she reaches her arms out wide to me with huge "I love my mommy" dimply grins, the next time she devours my face with her open mouth, slobbery kisses, the next time she is overcome with drowsiness and I am able to sing her to sleep in my not-so-beautiful-but-who-cares voice, I can't help but remember how much I wanted to be HER mommy and I know that I would have waited a million years for her, my perfect little bean.
This is one of the blog posts I came across as I was browing my blog today...and it means so much more to me now that I know my child's face. My heart is full....
My sweet baby girl,
One day you will be born into this world. It's scary here some times and I worry that this world won't be good enough for you. I promise that I will protect you from electric sockets, mean people and sharp table corners. You will cry and I will hold you and sing you lullabies.
One day you will be a toddler. I worry that you may get sick or that there will be mean people who cross your path. I promise that I will protect you from unkind words and icky germs. You will cry and I will hold you and rub your head and tell you that everything will be ok.
One day you will be a child. I worry that you will feel insecure, that you won't see the gifts inside of you. I promise that I will be your biggest fan and protect you from sadness. You will cry and I will hold you and remind you of how special you are.
One day you will be a teenager. I am worried that someone will break your heart, that you will want to grow up and not be my baby anymore. I promise that I will be here to encourage you through heartache, to teach you all I know about life and let go just enough. You will cry and I will hold you, wipe away your tears and listen to your dreams.
One day you will be a woman. It's scary here and some times I am worried that this world will not be good enough for you. I promise to prepare you for what lies ahead and to show you how beautiful it can be. You will cry and I will hold you and smile. You are my butterfly. I can't wait to see you soar.
Love,
Your Mommy
1 comment:
I can remember how much I loved holding my granddaughter while she slept. During the wait you always wonder what they will look like, how they will sound etc. Acutually holding her for the first time in China was amazing. She was 9 months old and so tiny. She is now 4 and I still love holding her. These babies are amazing. Glad you are so in love. Blessings
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